Sunday, June 7, 2009

It's the 7th of June, 2009

It was about 6 months ago when this date was chosen for me to be crowned 'a husband'. It was about 6 months ago when I decided this is when my single life ended.
It was about 6 months ago when I thought I'd be spared from another heartbreak.

And today, nothing happened in my life, accept the fact that I spent my day babysitting a family member...

It was a fun journey with her, it was hell too.
I love her, I love her family and I still do.

But when a single incident, too small that can be forgotten, fanned by an individual that possess a dark heart, the small spark became a bush fire.

I still remember the moments when I was called up.
I still remember when my words were shunned.
I still remember those 4 hours where I was accused of nothing I've done.
I still remember how they ridiculed my job.
I still remember when she said those words, the words that slipped from my lips.
I still remember the rage I had then, for I can't be caged.
I still remember the rudeness that I had.
I still remember their faces that night.
I still remember how my mum couldn't tell me off for my behavior.
I still remember those pitiful eyes a mum can gave me as I drove back in madness.
I still remember the calls I made, to calm myself.
I still remember my egoistic nature that I suppressed.
I still remember when I decided that it won't happen, even if it does, it won't go well.
And I still remember how much I love her then.
And now.
As much as how I felt about her family since then.

I do love her.
And I do love her family.
As much as I hate them now.

I do miss her.
As I do miss the warmth I get from her family.
As much as I hate them now.

And it is hard, not talking to her. Even though it is what I decided to do, after a counsel.

And yeah, maybe it is revenge, maybe it is not.
Maybe it is some sort of a rebound, maybe it is not.
Maybe they wished for it, maybe not, maybe yes.
Maybe they had hoped for it, maybe not, maybe yes.

But I do know, deep inside, if there's any way for her to leave her family, for them to leave us alone, things might work.

And I do know that I still loves her.

Mood: Somber
Song: After Midnight - Yuna
Actions: Smoke


ah^kam_koko' said...

I thought that you two were well suited for each other.
I guess I thought wrong.

Will ask you about this one day...
Before then...

Musica said...

I thought so too...
Tanx koko

ainee said...

this entry is so poetic and made me want to cry.

Musica said...

Tanx babe!
I wish I could cry reading it ^_^

Trishomachine. said...

Thanks for sharing with me darls. I know you'll pull through. Just march onwards as you know how.

Take care.


Musica said...

Tanx babe! ^_^
Yeah, guess one way or another I'll get back on my feet...


izzyzatt said...

wow...with the pic sumore! *jeles*


but yeah, i wish u all the best in your life...

Musica said...

Dun be, I had lotsa pic with you too rite? HAHA

Tanx darls~

::narita:: said...

so poetic, yet so sad...
be strong..
wish u all the best abg nas.. =)

Musica said...

Tanx babe! Dun intend to be poetic tho~