Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Estrella's Stay

I'm supposed to do my assignment now which is due tomorrow before 4pm and I have yet started on it except few literature review. But here I am, feeling great coz finally Aswad, a blogger whose blog I randomly found when I googled for Estrella's 'Stay' lyric. He was kind enough to email it to me and I'm gonna post it here.


Sounds straight from the twilight

Has me up all night I can't

Fall asleep coz I keep thinking of you

And I saw a shadow, outside my window

And it's you


All my sorrows flew away

Hush keep quiet hear me say

I don't ever want you to go

Please stay

With the moonlight dancing free

And there's no one but you and me

There's no reason to go away

Please stay


Making up a story

It's the way you're looking at me

If you think that this is funny

It's just you

Try and think about it

If your heart is closed don't lock it

Put your keys back in your pocket

Think this through

Repeat c/o

Been listening to this song for weeks now and Jarod was kind enough to download the album for me. I know, it supports piracy, but trust me if I have the dough I will buy it! I will! And yes, if I could find it.... (I'm sooo lame...)

Well, I think this is a very powerful song. In my current case, I think it is more appropriate for someone to dedicate this to me. Someone I'm very fond of.
Ah well, BACK TO WORK NAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Monday, April 28, 2008

Lucky Se7en

I've been using the words Lucky Se7en times and times again. And most of the time people have guessed wrongly wut or who my Lucky Se7en is. Its been more than a year since I started to use those words. And until now, only one person who have guessed correctly wut or who is Lucky Se7en to me. It's somehow funny to see how certain people think that they are my Lucky Se7en, and it hurts me to say the white lie, by admitting it. Tbh, Lucky Se7en to me is a battery to me. Lucky Se7en energizes me when I'm very tired mentally and physically. Lucky Se7en has always been there for me. When I'm happy, sad, excited, depressed, calm, angry and when ever I need my Lucky Se7en, Lucky Se7en will always be there. But it is a bit different lately. Well, I guess it is not for long. Hopefully.

Heh, I guess people will keep on wondering and wandering, trying to know wut or who my Lucky Se7en is.

Well, I guess it will remain a secret between me and my Lucky Se7en. Or time will tell.

D Certified

Once upon a time, I was enthralled by a girl that is a well known beautiful, cute and yes, very tempting. The moment you set your eyes on her, you'll melt, mesmerized by one of the god's finest creation. But the sad truth is that even though there are lots of men wanting to get close to her, they fail. And that makes me felt too low to even talk to her longer than two minutes. And I know if I try to get her, I would fail. She's like one of the beautiful glass ornaments you see at the aisles of shops where you might break it when you touch it. The wanting of her can be compared to trying to touch the sky. You just cant. Thus years ago I've decided to commemorate her as the highest level of girls. Meaning that IF I saw a girl who can be compared to her, I'll brand her as Duelo Certified. That is the highest ratings I could give a girl. But if the girl rates lower but up to my taste, they will get Nas Certified. This certification seems to be going easy for other girls. But trust me, it's hard to certify girls. Tbh, most Malaysian girls do not even get Nas Certified status. It depends on their personality, looks, and how they fare in relationship. But in some cases, I have to get to know them more before I certify them. But in the end, they are worthy for it. If I count back, there's less than 10 that I've given Duelo Certified and about 20 to 30 Nas Certified. Well, it's not much but seriously, somehow they really deserves it.


Rights of precedence or what human called priorities could be labelled as one of the most common thing that people use as a guideline to their life, an instrument for breaking up and to list up what is most important than the other. It is an abstract thing that most people tend to take advantage of. As for myself, I used it as a shield, to prevent my weaknesses to take over me. Based from all of my experiences so far, I have listed out at least four of my most important priorities. They are, according to the highest to the lowest priorities, my moms, my family, my dearest sister (Mieza) and finally my friends. These people are those who are dear to me, and they know who I really am. These are the people whom I would trust my life to. And I would do anything I could for them.

I have two mums, since my dad married twice. However, I've lived almost all my life with my stepmum, thus she's the most important person to me. As for my birthmum, well, she gave birth to me. And that's about it. Even though sometimes I don't agree with either of them, trust me when I say I'd do anything possible for them. I've been beating the hell up of my dad just for them. I've been sacrificing what I could for them. And I would continue to do so.

My family is quite a big family. With ten siblings, one brother in law, two nieces and possibly a new mum, it is quite big. Mind you I only counted the ones who are still alive. Even though I'm not that close to my birth family, they are still important to me. My step family is my treasure. I still remembered how I was so torn up when one of my brother died. Even though he was sick and you could expect him to go away anytime, it still gave me a big impact. Anyway, I know I would always sacrifice my self just for them. If my dad calls me the black sheep of the family for some reasons, I am, in fact the sacrificial black sheep.

Sister (Mieza).
Its quite funny when I reflect back on how I got to know her and getting close to her. I never noticed her before Brisbane. And there, I only knew her as the senior who lives down the corridor. We got to know each other when either me or her was asking for ciggies. Starting from there, I've been hanging out at her room almost everyday. We shared lotsa stuff and imo, she knows me better than anyone else. She's been there for me and I'll always be there for her. Even though we're not connected by blood, we're even closer than a real brother and sister. And one protective sister she is. I still remember her words, and of course, Layla's too. "Don't be played around by girls anymore, coz we're girls, so we know". There's too much that I could tell bout her and me, but lets keep it to my self okay?

After MRSM, I said to myself you won't find any other 'friend' anymore. But in a way, you could find and make friends with anyone, if you are willing to. This priority somehow puts me in a pinch. Tbh, I know that if we want somebody to be a 'friend' to us, we should be a 'friend' to them first. Its just not about laughing together, being noisy and shouting here and there, eating together and all. But it's about respect each other, be a listener, a shoulder to cry on and one that the 'friend' could depend on. I wonder sometimes when all of the things that you've done to your friends, they just take advantage of it and to add to it, they have no respect for you at all, except when they don't have anyone else to be their audience. Well, not to say that all of my friends are like that. Some are not at all. For example, Layla, Nana and of course, Michael. Note that Michael is a supernatural being. Lol. But seriously, these people are those that really deserved the fourth spot of my priorities. Yes, there are some people who might be suddenly concern about you. But at the end of the day, they're concerned just to show their 'good side'. And that is about, erm, lemme say around 20% of the time. The rest, they could be as selfish as human can be. But oh well, that's life rite?

Well, those are my unchanging priorities. Some people might ask, what about your girlfriend/s? Well, people come and go. And to me, some of them do not deserve to take over the fourth priority spot. Why? Because some of them expect a guy won't need to be pampered, guys don't need a female shoulder to cry on, guys don't need attention like they do and yes, they don't even understand (or even try, even if they say they did) guys. But they want guys to understand them, give attention to them, be their crying shoulder or even attention giver. Well, I might be biased but my heart has broken too much by girls. Not that I will turn gay or something, but it really pisses me off. And yet I'm still searching and looking around. *sigh*

Other things that other people consider as their priorities might not be that important to me. I'm very meh to academic or work or other stuff. Maybe in few years I'll change my priorities, adding up my wife or something. But as for now, these are my priorities, even though at times they hurt me.

p/s: My utmost priority is actually hidden. And it is actually myself. And the other three me.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Rain is forever my soul

Yesterday, was the sports day for IPBA, our teacher training college. And since we're not participating anything and the system and it's management were bad, we decided not to go. And yes, we slept until 11.30am. Fed the kittens, watch a movie with Jarod and played Xbox for a while that we didn't realize that it was almost 4. We had to went to Bangsar for the kittens' food but at the same time we felt like taking pictures. So, we told Manan that we're gonna go to Empangan Batu to take pics and see if he wanna tag along. And he said yes. So we rushed to Bangsar, went back to IPBA, pick up Manan and Jarod (who's very much interested) and straight away drove to Selayang. But it was bad timing coz it was nearing 5pm and the traffic was hell! It took us more than one hour to arrive at Ulu Yam road. Since it was rainy, and the place got dark early, we decided to go to Kak Mieza's house. There she said why not we go to this one big flyover near her school and since it's raining, the sunset must've look different than normal. We agreed and went there and took some neat pictures almost at the end of the flyover, coz there's no place to park! And still, it's really at the road side. So we and manan took out our babies while Jarod, being a gentleman, hold an umbrella for Kak Mieza....and Manan too. We was under the rain the whole time with our babies! No worries coz we love rain. And we gets better when the rain poured on us! Rain ftw!
So, here's the pics that we took.

See that blue surau? The school is next to it, well the other side, not in the pic.

We told u we're at the roadside...

Obviously we're not in the pic.... >_<

We crossed the road and tried to get pics of something else, but this is the best imo.

But the best part for us is when we tried to take pics from our seat, then Kak Mieza wants to be our model, thus these pics.

So we tried to get pics of her waiting for a car or sumtin..

Then we got this pic, that somehow seems like the car stopped for her. Lawlz.

But we like this final pic very much! It seems like we were fighting with her, she got mad and tried to left us, leaving the car and trying to hitchhike. But the lorry just ignored her.


Well, even though we couldnt get pics at Empangan Batu, we still got these cool pics!
It's a success we think. ^_^


Gonna put these pics up on our fotopages soon. Maybe soon. But sooner or later!


We wonder what's happening to nas....

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Randomness of a 23yo Nas

I did something very random on the eve of my 23rd. Very random imho. I wonder why i did that. Is it coz of being afraid, trauma of being hurt? Bro seems to sum it all up into my insecureness, my weakness. Was it me who decided that I'd rather end it up before I went deeper and ended up breaks everyone's heart? Sometimes, it's hard to choose. It's hard to decide. With physically weak and mentally weak, my emotion could runs deep and brought up something that even i couldnt expect. Seriously, being physically and mentally challenged could again raise my 'white' shadow. I know i did that not coz of what i want to. Not coz of i love to do that. I would lie my heart out if i say i'm happily did that. In fact god knows how i bleed. It bleeds more dark red blood, since that is the worst gift i've ever gave to myself during my birthday.

Wut ppl say, i take into consideration lightly, in fact, i nvr did in the first place. coz i know not all i met are the same, not all i heard is true. But when wut i heard and cautioned happened in 3 days, my insecurities were up and i had to do some research, observation and evaluation. Wut i found broke my heart, very much. Its very similar to what had hurt me that it took me years to heal, took me numerous poor soul to heal, took me numbers of cuts to make it heal. And i could say that i'm very much in the state of phobia towards it. And that's the reason i reveal all my shadows first, in order to get you to reveal all your shadows to me. That's the reason i set my priorities, to shield me from these sort of thing. But seems like i failed. U seemed to hide your shadows. You tried to conceal things that are lesser to my shadows. And you failed the test i gave you, very much. It broke my heart to write this but that is very typical of a Virgo. And i am very typical of Aries, headstrong, always rushes in, and very much selfish. I know that. I even realize that the way i ended it was shit. But i did that coz of me not wanting to hurt myself and you. I'd rather stab my lips than to stab my heart. I know if i keep on going with you, with my insecurities, you wont be happy and i wont be happy. I'm not much of a forgive and forget type of a person. If i can forget it, consider it forgiven but the thing is, its hard for me to forgive that, giving it happened seems to be an attempt to pierce my shield.

Yeah, your suddenly concerned 'frens' might call me a jerk, immature, scumbag, heck in fact call me dumbass. Why dont they call me asswipe or ass hole?.

But do they really know? Do they really know me? What i've been through? Do they really know my intentions? Do they really know what my heart wants and what does it afraid of? Yes, i know they are really concerned bout you, really want to take care of you. But, do they respect you? Do you seriously know that?

You see, when ppl say bad things bout u, i just sit there, listen and tell them, if u have anything against her, tell her yourself. its between you and her. Even my sister who hates you so much gives us space to grow. She didnt even disturb me when we're together. She wont even tell me why she hated you. The others who are close to me that are against us never told me why they dont like us together even until now. And i'm still clueless why they dont like us. They just told me that they dont like us being together, but they did say that they respect us. The only thing that they said to me was the thing i alrdy know bout Virgoes. They love to be pampered. That is why i took it lightly. If your suddenly concerned 'friends' want to say things bout me, they can do it, but heck, ask them first if they have any respect for you.

As for me, I wont give a fuck if everyone wants to say shit bout me coz the people that are of most important to me knows who i am and how i am. That is good enough for me.


I'm very much nicotinized and very much empty.
Lucky the cat of the name given by you knows how to try to mend me.
That somehow comforts me.

"The words that would mend the things that were broken"

Till we meet again, Bro, D and M, i'll hand it up to you guys.


Thursday, April 3, 2008

Beep Beep Beep Beeeeeeeeep (okay, u can now pull the plug)

I was soooooo busy!!!

First, i have cats... and each of them (five kittens and one stupid queen) have to be fed 4 times a day... and i have to do the poo job twice a day, which later i did once a day... and continuing to do so...

Second, i just finished the pentomime directing and training last monday... the show was on tuesday.... well, i was given a week (in fact about 5 days) to assemble a team, create a script based on a crappy theme ('moving ahead with english', crappy isnt it?), train the actors and voice actors....and try to live up to my standard as well as Hazian's standard. It turns out to be great even though i'm not that satisfied but they all did a great job! *applaud*

Third, microteaching just finished today... Oh yeah!

Fourth, my relationships were kinda being more complicated... *find knife and stabs relationships*

Fifth, a possibility i have to speed up my creative brain and create a musical in the next 2 weeks...

Sixth, problems, mentally and physicall as well as interpersonally...

Seventh, so busy that i missed GW for quite some time now...

Eighth, I miss brisbane so much that i dreamed lots bout it... and of course, the ppl that i met there..

Ninth, I hate the term 'u must go to the sports bla bla bla, u must this, u must that, stop being defensive, do like i told u to bla bla bla crap crap crap'

Tenth, was busy and pressured so much that i need much longed hand on my back to keep me calm...

Eleventh, i think i need a return ticket to brisbane for my birthday so that i could make pides at ottoman again... ottoman is always my refuge... my holiday place....


Eat Me!!!

Beep Beep Beep Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
*Doctor pulls the plug*