Wednesday, December 22, 2010

I'm alive again

Dec 22, 2010
GMT +8 7.11pm.

Listening to Eminem ft Lil Wayne over and over on loop.
I think about more than I forget
But I don't go around fire expecting not to sweat
Reflecting on what I did since I came to Seremban.
Instead of the plans planned.
Lotsa changes.
Be good or be good at it
Guess I opted for being good. Santa should tick my name on his 'Nice List'.
And start over from scratch and write new ones
Start again? Meh.
I dont mind.
Its normal.
Again I should think I'm good at it.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


For the desperately bought netbook for work... so, lets celebrate by showing u 2 replays of my recent war in Battle Stations.

Background: I am Musica Valen, a defender of my clan... so I get hit first before our forts got hit.... these replays are taken from the recent war. (The ships look weird coz I had a ship skin on).

Replay A: Another fish is attacking me (a fish too)

Replay B: Then, seconds later, this guy attacked my fish....


Thursday, September 30, 2010

I feel...

-like doing everything all over again, but that would make me not the me I know today.
-that I might not be worth it for the standards, but my own.
-like I'm just the bushes, canopied by the large greens.
-afraid of things to come.
-clueless of my next step.
-that its as if I dont have any other options anymore.
-that what I feel seems to be invisible for others to feel.
-that my feelings is overwhelming that I cant concentrate on anything.
-like quitting this job and just wander around the face of the earth.
-like to continue this noting another day, another time.
-like searching for the book again.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Little Seed

And there are things that I could see
that many could try but couldn't be
that some might have the slightest feel
that little could do much to understand me
understand how I stand, how I walk
understand how I create and how I talk
accepting what I want and what I need
it's like a sun to a seed.
That little seed
That weak little seed
All it wants is to grow
Tall, big and green
Like a big old oak
Piercing the sky, being a roost
Shading the shy, giving them a boost
But that little seed is little
So tiny that many belittle
And it will grow to be
Something that people make use of, you see
And I am that little seed
getting belittle at, getting stomped
getting slow at getting bigger
trying to grow to be greener
just like a simple tree
but can protect my baby
even if it cost my body, dearly
or my life as the price
no, this aint no dice
I would literally give my life
away, so that they can get a nice
smile to give me back
give me their happiness and peace, in fact
let them babies of mine
wear something nice and fine
that others awed at while they dine
in jealousy and envy
Coz I'd do anything for my baby.

Where'd you go - Fort Minor

What I see

Its too hard to bear
When an S is negating another S
even when the both of them
are the same entity.
Its too hard to see
when an S fits an N
even when the both of them
are different entities,
when they shouldn't be as one.
Its hard to swallow
the irony of the words.
Its hard to comprehend
the idea of the idea.
And its hard enough
to make others see.
What I see.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Awaken by Maher Zain

It makes wonder what's the craze about this Maher Zain guy all over my friends' facebook. And I went to youtube to find this video. Not much of a video though. But you tell me. Is it a great song
or what.


We were given so many prizes
We changed the desert into oasis
We built buildings in different lenght and sizes
And we felt so very statiesfied

We bought and bought
we couldn't stop buying
We gave charity to the poor cause we couldn't stand their crying
We thaught we paid our dues but in fact
To ourselves we're just lying

Oh...I'm walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I'm walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it's easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves

I'm walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I'm walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it's easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves

We were told what to buy and we'd bought
We went to London, Paris and Costa del Sol
We made show we were seen in the most exclusive shops
Yes we felt so very statisfied

We felt our money gave us infinit power
We forgot to teach our children about history and honor
We didn't have anytime to lose...when we were(were)
So busy feeling so statisfied

I'm walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I'm walking with my head from my race
Yes it's easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves (2x)

We became the visuals without a soul
despite the heat
Our homes felt so empty and cold

To fill the emptiness we bought and bought
Maybe all the fancy cars and bling will make us statisfied

My dear brother and sister it's time to change inside
Open your eyes...Don't throw away what's right aside
Before the day comes when there's nowhere to run and hide
Now ask yourself...cause Allah's watching you

Is he statisfied?...Is Allah satisfied?(3x)

Oh...I'm walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I'm walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it's easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves(2x)

Friday, July 16, 2010

Eminem: Recovery

taken from

It has been 2 weeks that I've been looking for this album.
And it proves to me that JB is one of the worst original music selling hub in this country. For more than 8 days I've been scouring the city for an original copy of this album but I could only find a copy of the pirated version. Tried placing order, made few calls, wasting fuel and time. And finally I found it.
And it's worth it.
Every song that I've listened to is worth it.
It is not as fun as the previous Relapse, but the emotion of each song and its lyric was overwhelming. Much maturity shown from one of the greatest rapper in our time. And I cant wait to listen to the rest 3 songs.

Singles released from this album:

-Not Afraid
-Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna

Monday, July 12, 2010

Half burnt candle

It is dark and empty
void as it will ever be
and a ray shines, burning
a half burnt candle glimmering
revealing the dimly lit path
half as true, half as farce
being a beacon to
moths and travellers
and they are almost lost too
for their eyes are blurry
of fear, shame and fury
and with nothing else in hand
but a half burnt candle to light the land
and it is a faint hope
that they tried to cope
with, as they walk down the slope.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Eminem - Not Afraid

A new single from Eminem.

Deep message.


Sunday, May 30, 2010


It was a Monday. Not just any Monday, but the Monday where teachers celebrate the Teachers' Day in school. And I ended that day depressed.

Tashiboo has passed away.
Confirmed by a specialist on Thursday.

After 5 years or so,
After all those memories,
After all those editing,
After all those GW and MMOs,
After all those assignments,
After all those torrent-ing, downloading, uploading, bookmarking,
And after all those traveling,
He passed.

Thank you.
Gonna be hard to find a replacement.
You are after all, a part of me.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

In Uthenera

Been playing Dragon Age: Origins for a while now thanks to Seng Chee. These song captivates me, not only because of the FMV in the game, but the words in the song too.


hahren na melana sahlin
emma ir abelas
souver'inan isala hamin
vhenan him dor'felas
in uthenera na revas

vir sulahn'nehn
vir dirthera
vir samahl la numin
vir lath sa'vunin

Translated from the elven tongue:

elder your time is come
now I am filled with sorrow
weary eyes need resting
heart has become grey and slow
in waking sleep is freedom

we sing, rejoice
we tell the tales
we laugh and cry
we love one more day

-- From "In Uthenera," traditional elven song of unknown origin.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Crushed Crush

(pic taken from google search here)

What happened to your crush?
Why does a crush called crush?
Is it meant to be crushed?
Irony eh....
Just a thought....

It all happened when I witnessed two 12 year olds and their crushes. One is a boy. One is a girl. And kids being kids, they planned lots of childish plans to get their crushes' hearts. Both with plans that might end up destroying my car... How do I know? From their friends...

At times, I'd chuckled at those plans and how adorable they are. But now, I cant sit easy without thinking what if it would really happen? What should I do? I mean my car's repair would be costly and at the same time, these kids are still kids. And hopefully it wont happen so that I don't have to think of what my course of action would be next for them.

Maybe in the future they would laugh at their childhood crush.
But hopefully in the future I don't have to mope in the sad corner of my house for the money spent on repairs...

Saturday, April 17, 2010

This room.

There is a room
with not much room.
It is the smallest
and some say the weakest
but its not that detached.
The maid's quarter
is much more better
with a bathroom attached.
The room gets the sun all day
it gets the heat everyday.
The room get the rain some days
but stays the most humid for days.
And for days its been like that
unlike the other rooms, that have much more fat.
It is like an oven, it is like a box
it is not like a place where you can coax.
But mind you, the one with obsessions
This room is filled with important possessions.
No one could not be in the room, to be a part,
if he does not have heart.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

25's Blackout

It was the 5th yesterday.
And at around 8pm, the housing area I lived in had had a blackout. Without warning.

I was tired, being in the team that organized the district level volleyball competition for under 18-boys. Went to work at 7am, finished at 4. Mind you, I didn't just stand there. I did stuff that can make an ox too tired to even munch the grass inside it's mouth.

So usually night time was my time. For me to check the Facebook, play some FB games, write some work stuff, type some stuff, print some stuff. All using the electricity. But not the night of the 5th of April 2010.

Last night when every houses on the street went dark at the same time, I felt like I couldn't do a thing. So I took my keys, went downstairs to start my car just to charge my mobile phone, just in case it couldn't last until the next morning to wake me up. While waiting for it to be done, I observed.

I observed my surrounding. Neighbors rushing out to go to places that has electricity. Hondas after Hondas, Toyotas after Toyotas. I ignored them.

Instead, I turned my eyes to the sky. There, I wonder, why is it always Orion that I see at night. Not even the Ram in sight.

Spending almost an hour wondering outside of the house was enough for me.

Went back upstairs, light a candle and there it was, the book that darling lent to me. I do not read non-fantasy genre. But, that's all the entertainment I had. It was quite good. Look for the book 'The White Tiger' by Aravind Adiga. I recommend it.

Reading by the candle light was hard. ^_^

Once in a while I'd lie down, book aside, and stared out the window. The sky was cloudy, with the moonshine illuminates the layer of the clouds, making it glowing. And with that glow, the earth was caressed with soft light. Everything looks beautiful. The silent neighborhood was blanketed with what seems like a cooling sun. And to me, that is a great sign.

Sign for the 'me' whom had just got to the age of 25.
A sign telling me that even in the darkness, there will always be a calm and cool factor.

And last night's black out was like the birthday gift from the Mother Nature.

Friday, February 26, 2010

We Are The World 25 For Haiti

We all need somebody that we can lean on
When you wake up look around and see that your dreams gone
When the earth quakes we’ll help you make it through the storm
When the floor breaks a magic carpet to stand on
We are the World united by love so strong
When the radio isn’t on you can hear the songs
A guided light on the dark road your walking on
A sign post to find the dreams you thought was gone
Someone to help you move the obstacles you stumbled on
Someone to help you rebuild after the rubble’s gone
We are the World connected by a common bond


I watched them, I envy them.
When I look at them, I'm glad its working good for them.
And when I stare at them, I despise them.
I'm jealous.

And why cant I have it the way they have it?
And there I was, kept on staring at them.
And here I am, trying to look away.
But I just cant unlock that stare from them.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Those familiar faces

Those faces brought back my emotions.

There he was, still dark as before, still had to mutter words.
There he was, still mischievous and foul-mouthed.
There he was, still quiet.
There he was, still calm and in control.
And there he was, still curious.

There she was, still high spirited and full of smiles.
There she was, still staring.
And there she was, still speculating.

And here I am, proud of them.
And here I am, laughing with them.
And here I am, advising them.
And here I am, crying, missing them so much.

And there they were, those familiar faces, waving goodbye to me.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

When the time comes

When the time comes, the egg will hatch.
When the time comes, the grub becomes hard.
When the time comes, wings will flutter.
When the time comes, two hearts will bear.
When the time comes, the fire will be extinguished.
and when that time comes, it will happen.
It's just as it should be.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

A Reality

There I was, just trying to get my first meal of the day at 11 at big mamak place near Kampung Melayu. After confirming my order of Teh Tarik and Roti Telur, my favourite habit triggered. I started to observe people around me. At my 12 o clock, there's a table of an Indian family. The father, mother and son sat there happily eating their brunch. directly behind them was a group of Malay men, clad in simple kampung attire, ragged shirt and pants. They were talking about anything, mostly nothing is of importance. At my 10 o clock, there was a pair of Chinese businessmen. They were obviously discussing their opportunities of getting more profit, intervened by some CNY preparations small talks.

My meal came. It was cold. So much for the big building.

As I was tearing down the mamak cuisine, an animal crossed in front of me. A cat. A mother. She was holding her baby, maybe 3 weeks old, by its hind leg. It struck me that there might be something wrong with the kitten. The mother cat laid the kitten on the floor, between me and the Chinese businessmen, licking its litter with love and attention. It didn't made any movement at all. The kitten was dead.

The Indian family was uneasy with the cats.

The Malays gave glances then continued with their conversation.

The Chinese, they called for the waiters to throw away the dead kitten.

And they did.

The maternal instinct of the cat kicked in. Younger than Eton (maybe she's about 1 years old), she couldnt help but to watch everything helplessly. Seeing the dead body of her offspring being swept away and sent to the nearest black bin, she cried and cried for her lost litter. She begged and begged these people for her baby. No one cared to be attentive, empathetic and caring to this young mother. It was a sad reality.

She is, after all, was just a cat.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Ah okay, wow....

The battery is needed, not the bulb.
Coz the bulb doesnt need another bulb to light.

The cactus needs just few drops of water, not a tank of it.
For the cactus will die of too much to drink.

The surfer can only surf on tides, not on a tsunami.
Or it will drown him.

And the sailor needs a calm breeze, blowing his sail to his destination.
And he'll pray and pray and hope for the typhoon and the storm would get past the ship so that his precious cargo wont find the seabed a comfy home.

Thursday, January 21, 2010



And get back on your feet.


And reach out your arms.

Monday, January 11, 2010

And the bloke is happy

It is a silent starry night,
And the bloke is happy.
It is the calm before the storm,
And the bloke is happy.
The other is sleeping,
And the bloke is sleepy.