Let the music takes you away...

As time flies, I had to go to Besut, leaving my work behind and yeah left an important document in the staffroom...
I even planned to arrive late at the meeting place.

Supposed to go at 8.30 the latest. And I arrived at 8.40...
And guess wut, I was the third to arrive out of 40 people.

Great, this is just great.

Even the GB arrived at around 9..... And the bus gets on the road nearly 9.40.....

Overall, I concur that this trip is a sad excuse for those female teachers (am sad to say, especially those from administrations) for a shopping trip without the bounds of their husbands. Oh yes, they enjoy Pasar Payang and Wakaf Che Yeh or sumtin (forgot the name) that one of them wasted like RM2k in one of those places alone! I've seen better and cheaper choices in Nilai 3.....

And yeah, the trip is originally meant to visit 2 schools. One school is in a teacher training institution in Terengganu. And the other is like a champion of the 3K contest. 3K stands for something like the clean and beautiful aspect of the school...

Okay, the first school doesn't entertain me much as the self proclaimed 'conducive learning environment' sounds too good to be true. The environment of the school, which is located inside the teacher training campus and half maintained by the campus, is nothing compared to those self proclaimed 'smart schools' in Putrajaya. And yeah, I've seen better. (Which refers back to the argument I had with the GB which she said I haven't seen enough. Well, I've seen better than that mam.

The second school did entertain me a bit. Well, for starters, GB said that this school is the best in the 3K thingy... Well, the school's GB in turn said, they lost to a school in Muar. The school in Muar, seems to me, is better as in the distance from JB and it's more beautiful than the one that we went to!

And yeah, if this is the most beautiful school in Malaysia, why do I think MRSM Balik Pulau is much more beautiful? Weird....

To add to that, there were about 8 male teachers. And 5 of them never slept whenever they stepped into the bus and they were laughing so loud that even the GB complained. Well, they cracked stupid sexual perverted jokes the whole trip and checking out chicks despite having a wife and kids waiting for each of them at home. Well, it's disgusting as their face is like second to a donkey! And they wolf-whistle girls. I'm really ashamed to be in the same profession as them.
And yeah, the stuff they talked about, I know more than them. It was so DISGUSTING to see these men in their thirties doing that. Maybe it is a disease that Malay men have. Well, not any Malay men, but those that didn't realize that they could not attract any lady with just their looks and charms.

So, to conclude, the trip is just a sad excuse for those who wanna be away from their husbands to waste thousands of precious money and for those who feels great pissing off other people.

Ah well, it's not only the bad things that I had during the weekend.

I met the bus driver again, and yeah he's friendly and agreed with me on lots of things. Such as how those male teachers were too noisy at around 2 am when people were sleeping and they were laughing soo loud that the drivers could hear them even though they sat at the last row of seats at the back of the bus.

Demm.

Ah yeah, I got to see beautiful orchids and eat lotsa prawns! ^_^





And I saw this funny sign in Kota Bharu hahahahaha IRONY!!!



Well, thank god the trip ended. And as a result? I got loads of unfinished work, three of my teeth are aching (got to see the dentist today and one had to be taken off tomorrow) and I got really out of my system due to some things... Hahaha, for those who knew, just keep a zip near to your lips lol.

And went to see Transformers yesterday which I think was overrated, no convincingly good storyline, no great finale battle and yeah, where the hell is Rodimus? I don't want to see those trying-to-be-cute-and-mute yellow Camaro! Seriously, Michael Bay needs to see how Star Wars builds up their climaxes and brought it into conclusions. The actions were great, but if its just the actions that is great, better off watching WWE.

And after that had some Banana Split despite my aching teeth.



And yeah, sorry to those who had to put up with my out-of-my-self yesterday hahaha.
Peace.
I'm out.

And it was a sweet dream...

It has been about 3 months since he left us.
And I have been missing him since.
Who wouldn't?
That cheeky snobbish horny cat has always been my favourite among his siblings.
And I still remember how I was depressed and couldn't do anything else but sulk for 2 days and how I'm not motivated for weeks and how Eton tried to comfort me and herself by being a mix of herself and Shoel. And guess that personality is stuck with her.

And last night, after hours of not being able to shut my eyes, I fell into a deep sleep.

And there, He was there.
He was being his normal self there.
I can see his short and a bit crooked tail he had.
I can feel his fur.
And I can caress him, hug him and kiss him like I've always did before.
And there he was being cheeky.

And it feels good seeing him again after all of this.
I miss you boy.

And I guess I'm spent!

Maybe the time is here.
The time I realized I'm not to be a government teacher.
The time I feel that I'm more suited to something else.
The more I look into it, the more I feel how fast I'm going to stagnate, just like those teacher we were warned not to be.

I feel like quitting now.
I am.
Maybe it's the weird system.
Maybe it's me.
Maybe it's how the people interpret it.
Maybe it's me.
Maybe it's just Malaysians, feeling good about a one time thingy.
Maybe it's just me.

People might wonder why does some people who spent years to study other stuff but in the end wanting to be a teacher. But me, I spent more than 5 years studying to be a teacher, not wanting to be one.

Don't get me wrong, I love teaching. But I hate being a 'SERVANT'. I hate being forced to do anything I don't feel like doing. Yeah I sound pampered. But that's me. Idk bout how ppl see me, as long as I have a happy life.

During my undergrad years, I was taught to change the system, bring the revolution to the system. Seems like the system sense this movement and decided to crush the seed before it manages to sprout a leaf.

Yeah, people might say this is a survival phase, whether I'm to survive it or not. I guess I will not survive. I'm choosing not to. I feel there's a calling for me. A greater calling for me out there.
Yeah.

Durian

Tanx to Norzie, I get to eat my first durians this year! And it's for free!
Reminds me tho about those 2 years abroad and not eating this thorny fruit.
Reminds me too of last year, where we bought durians and each of the brothers got one!
Reminds me also of how Shoel ate durians. Funny Eton doesn't like it.

Talking of Eton, now, after school hols, every morning at 6.30 to 7, she will wake me up, just to make sure I put her food in the container. She won't eat it until around 9 or so. Weird girl.

And a public apology to both Najib and Soya for not attending their wedding. I just couldn't not get out of school that day and I promise I'll make it up to u both somehow.

The way it is now...

It might seem trivial to others, but seriously, these are the things that made me hate my job.

1. I had to get out of school lots.

2. I am required to work on almost every Saturday.

3. I don't just teach, I do other stuff too.

4. Hypocritical environment. Colleagues just kept on showing their true self, one by one.

5. I'm forced to do this and that.

6. When I tried to be nice to the kids, I was put down for my effort.

7. When the results were not satisfying, they blame my incompetency, but they forgot the moment they forced me to go here and there and thus made me have only about a week of TnL session in a month, average.

8. I'm tired being the youngest.... Getting pushed to do this and that.

9. My health condition doesn't allow me to travel much, but the school doesn't agree with my health....

10. For this much of pay versus workload, I reckon I can get better by making Pide...

Seriously, am getting tired of this...

But one thing for sure, it's the kids' faces that made me stop when I'm about to write the resignation letter...

Is it worth it?

What a night

Planned to do some work... but guess I passed out..... hahaha

I want a bath tub...

Yes, I do!

Maybe a built in jacuzzi too....

I want to stay in the tub for hours and do stuff like play PSP or read books or pick my nose and stuff.

Will add some mind relaxing scent.

But then again, maybe I have to wait for like YEARS for it.....

I want a bath tub...

Can't remember who tagged me...

Be honest no matter what, then tag at least fifteen friends.

01. Who was your last text from?
A girl...

02. Where was your default picture taken?
Metro building, Brisbane.

03. Your relationship status?
I'm flinging all around..

04. Have you ever lost a close friend?
Yeah..

05. What is your current mood?
Lazy

06. How many siblings do you have?
10 including me...

07. Whats your brother(s)/sister(s) names?
Azlina, Faiz, Farhan, Shaakira, Ameera, Naadira, Arief, Fatin, Alia

08. Where do you wish you were right now?
On a couch, cuddling with a hote cute chick!

09. Have a crazy side?
Wanna see all 3 of em or just one?

10. Ever had a near death experience?
Numerous

11. Something you do a lot?
Smoke

12. Angry at anyone?
Yeah

13. What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
Myself?

14. When was the last time you cried?
I think it was the 30th of May...

15. Is there anyone you would do anything for?
Those who cared for me...

16. What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
Erm, how to get a sugar mummy? A hot one at that.

17. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
This house agent... wanna move to a cheaper house...

18. What is your favorite song?
Atm? After Midnight by Yuna

19. What are you doing right now?
Streaming Manga

20. Who do you trust right now?
Some people...

21. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
Giant hahaha

22. Have you kissed someone in the past week?
Ah, yeah, there's this girl.... One of my nieces I guess..

23. Who is your friend that lives closest to you?
Guna?

24. Describe your life in one word?
Boring...

25. Who are you thinking of right now?
Her.

26. What should you be doing right now?
School stuff and cooking and forms filling and sleep?

27. What are you listening to?
Lacuna Coil

28. Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
Her............

29. Who was the last person who yelled at you?
Mum.

30. Do you act differently around the person you like?
Nope.

31. What is your natural hair color?
Black with shades of dark brown...

32. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Onizuka

33. Who was the last person to make you sad?
Grave of the Fireflies...

34. What do you hear?
The nearby construction...

35. Is your hair curly or straight?
Wavy... and there's this one hot chick in a saloon, who gave me her number... and she said I should straighten some parts of my hair...

36. Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
Nope

37. Do you have a best friend?
Yeah I guess..

38. Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
Yeah~

39. Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
^_^

40. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Erm, I did took off my clothes in a car while driving once...

41. Are you happy with life right now?
I'm bored with life...

42. Are you currently jealous?
I guess so.

43. What jewelry are you currently wearing?
This beads given to me by a monk...

44. What were you doing on friday night?
Chill out in the house?

45. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Duh...

46. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Hell yeah I did!

47. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
Not sure.. Oh yeah there's a couple of em!

48. What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
Blood test and reexamining my body, as I was a Dengue and Swine flu suspect... And yeah, I got thorns in my flesh, asked the doc to take it out...

49. How late did you stay up last night and why?
5.30 am? Streaming manga...

50. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Uhuh

Trust

Why men can't be trusted?

Recent encounters with lotsa people's probs made me wonder...
Do men really cant be trusted?
I know I cant trust my self to answer that question on behalf of men...

There are good men, there evil men and there are a mixed of both, more like to mixes... One not knowing what they are doing and the other do stuff knowingly...

But, I still wonder...

Any thoughts?

Every steps

I guess every step I take I would hurt some one.
I guess every move I make I would kill an emotion.
I guess every breath I breathe I would be a mistake for me.
I guess every finger I twitch I would poke into other hearts deeply.

And I know, every time I try to correct my wrongs, there will always be some thing wrong with it.

And when I try to burn my self for others, I'd be shunned by another.

And I guess there's no end to it.

Maybe I hope too much.

Maybe I want too much.

When some one told me to stay in the jungle with the apes years ago, I thought it's pretty lame.

But when I reflect, I guess there's good in doing that.

Coz when I hurt others, those that matters to me, I'm deeply hurt too.

Better off being with apes rite?

I AM SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(T_T)

It's the 7th of June, 2009

It was about 6 months ago when this date was chosen for me to be crowned 'a husband'. It was about 6 months ago when I decided this is when my single life ended.
It was about 6 months ago when I thought I'd be spared from another heartbreak.

And today, nothing happened in my life, accept the fact that I spent my day babysitting a family member...

It was a fun journey with her, it was hell too.
I love her, I love her family and I still do.

But when a single incident, too small that can be forgotten, fanned by an individual that possess a dark heart, the small spark became a bush fire.

I still remember the moments when I was called up.
I still remember when my words were shunned.
I still remember those 4 hours where I was accused of nothing I've done.
I still remember how they ridiculed my job.
I still remember when she said those words, the words that slipped from my lips.
I still remember the rage I had then, for I can't be caged.
I still remember the rudeness that I had.
I still remember their faces that night.
I still remember how my mum couldn't tell me off for my behavior.
I still remember those pitiful eyes a mum can gave me as I drove back in madness.
I still remember the calls I made, to calm myself.
I still remember my egoistic nature that I suppressed.
I still remember when I decided that it won't happen, even if it does, it won't go well.
And I still remember how much I love her then.
And now.
As much as how I felt about her family since then.

I do love her.
And I do love her family.
As much as I hate them now.

I do miss her.
As I do miss the warmth I get from her family.
As much as I hate them now.

And it is hard, not talking to her. Even though it is what I decided to do, after a counsel.

And yeah, maybe it is revenge, maybe it is not.
Maybe it is some sort of a rebound, maybe it is not.
Maybe they wished for it, maybe not, maybe yes.
Maybe they had hoped for it, maybe not, maybe yes.

But I do know, deep inside, if there's any way for her to leave her family, for them to leave us alone, things might work.

And I do know that I still loves her.



Mood: Somber
Song: After Midnight - Yuna
Actions: Smoke

Am I single?

tagged by izzy. sorry for the lateness..

this survey is ONLY for those who are SINGLE.
answer the questions HONESTLY and tag 7 of your SINGLE FRIENDS.

1. Are you single?
- I guess so~

2. How long have you been single?
- 2 or 3 or 4 months?

3. How many exes do you have?
- more than 7? Lost count! *sorry~*

4. Whose fault when you guys broke up?
- we are the victims of the consequences!!!!! ROFL

5. If your ex want to get together again, what will your answer be?
- IDK, if I want to get together again, I'd work for it~

6. Are you seeing anybody now?
- I'm seeing lotsa ppl atm... But it's whether they are seeing me now... Irony?

7. What are 3 qualities you want to find most in your future gf/bf?
- Kinky in bed, sexy and knows how to lap dance? lol yeah rite, it's the normal typical qualities that normal ppl wants... What do you want?

8. What turns you on and off for a girl/guy?
- Long straight silky hair, wearing satin nightgown... Hate seeing no face but lotsa attitude kinda girl...

9. What will be your comment on your past relationship and future?
- It's just a fragment in the flow of time, if it meant to be, it's meant to be. But along the way, the memories created together with her(s) {notice the 's'} are precious to me and will stay for the rest of my days....

10. What will you say to your future gf/bf?
- Hey sexy! *grabs her ass* LMAO


who else is still single? cis.
- You! Yes you who is single and you who is not but single at heart!

p/s: cant find any that's single... seems like everyone is owned~ hahaha I'm left behind...

*Edited*
I tag:
1. Guna
2. Guna
3. Guna
4. Guna
5. Guna
6. Guna
7. Guna
8. Guna
9. Guna
10. And yeah, Guna

When they want it but afraid to admit it...

I guess it's this thing called ego.
I admit my egoistic nature do pisses off lotsa ppl every now and then. And yeah, it pisses off me too when I'm in one of those reflecting session. But sometimes, I do know my limits. Yeah, knowing anything doesn't mean I'm doing something about it.

But, when people try to force their minds into you, their words into you, their actions into you, my ego would be my greatest shield, my strongest armor. I might be gullible at times, but there are things I'd think through, sometimes it would take months. And in the process, I'll hurt others like nobody business! But when people force me into their way, respect for them will be lost. No matter how they'd apologize or no matter how they tried to make up for it, it'll take me time to forget about it, sometime years.

***

A good friend of mine got a call.
A call to ask his help to persuade me.
It's either they are playing dirty or they just want to make up for it.
No matter how strong my feelings for the idea, it is as strong as how I'm against it.
Call me egoistic, but that's how I protect my self when I dun have anyone to depend on.

I'm thinking, procrastinating, weighing, waiting, and having a dilemma.
I guess I should find what strength I have left to go on.
Just when you need a battery and none is available.

I might look for a foreign charger.

I'm spent of this kind stuff.
But since this is what they want, I'm giving it to them 3 folds!

A little kitten

There's a little kitten
on a road, in a suburb.
It was lost,
and hungry and cold.
Longing for a shelter
from the cruel rain,
from the cruel denizen.
It went from a house to another
just to get shooed and broomed altogether.
A kind lady took her in once.
But got kicked out when
the rest of the house whine.
It went all over,
just to look for a shelter.
Saw another got sold,
in a pet shop in the suburb.
Funny it thought
why does people buy its kind
when it doesn't have any shelter to find.
And the little kitten kept on strolling
as long as it has this thing called living.

6/6/2009

And I lost count.

And I lost count
On how many things that
I want to pen down
On how many places that
I forgot to go around
On how many people that
I made them frown.

And I lost sight
Of the things that
I aimed for
Of the stuff that
I looked for
Of the people that
I should go for.

And I lost confidence
In my own abilities
In my own capabilities
In my own prophecies
In my own destinies.

But I know
That I would go on
That I would fight on
That I would stand up
That I would not give up
For what I believe
And for those that know
of what I want to achieve.

6/6/2009