What I discovered yesterday...

It was Saturday noon, after extra curricular activities at school. Hairy asked me if I want to go to a place where I could relax. Having plans canceled, I said Yes! We went to a place where I could meet goats, chickens, cute puppies and ghosts. There's people there, friendly people. Among them is this one old man that I know. I knew him as being hot tempered, unpredictable and one of the first person who had worked in the school since it was opened in 1983.

We all had a great talk, laughs, barbecue (roasted lamb thigh, marinated with turmeric, salt, garlic, lemongrass and oil) and some motivational talk as well as the chance to meet the infamous 'Langsuir' or the Malay version of banshee. Too bad I couldn't see them anymore but I did sense a couple when I was there.

Anyway, what I discovered yesterday is that this old guy is a great human observer. He outlined my personalities one by one and he knew what I had in me even though I'm a bit held back when he's around....

And I guess I'm lucky.

I still could remember his advice: Just smile, problems are problems but just smile... you'll live longer...
I'm half sure about what he meant but yeah.
I had fun.

Next time, I'll bring my cam to have capture the beautiful scenery there. OMG! U could see stars as if it's summer!

p/s: I also discovered that I might have dengue fever or worst.... been having on off fever since 8 days ago. The red spots are also noticeable...

Kiss Me Thru The Phone

Tried to Youtube the MV but seems like its not available for my country..... what a crap...


And TANX BUNCH Jarod! I forgot bout Musicjesus! MV is there but some how there's problem with HTML coding.... bummer...

Anyway, it's a decent song.

Kiss Me Thru The Phone
Soulja Boy Tell'em Ft Sammie


Baby, you know that I miss you,
I wanna get wit you tonight,
But I can't my baby girl,
And that's the issue,
Girl you know I miss you,
I just wanna kiss you,
But I can't right now,

So baby kiss me thru the phone
(Kiss me thru the phone),
I'll see you later on (later on),
Kiss me thru the phone,
(Kiss me thru the phone),
See you when I get home (I get home).

Baby I know that you like me,
Your my future wifey,
Soulja Boy Tell 'Em (yeah),
You can be my Bonne,
I can ya Clyde,
You can be my wife,
Text me, call me, I need you in my life,
Yeah, all that, everyday I need ya,
And everytime I see ya,
My feelings get deeper,
I miss you
I miss you
I really wanna kiss you but I can't....
6 7 8 triple 9 8 2 1 2

Baby, you know that I miss you,
I wanna get wit you tonight,
But I can't my baby girl,
And that's the issue,
Girl you know I miss you,
I just wanna kiss you,
But I can't right now,

So baby kiss me thru the phone
(Kiss me thru the phone),
I'll see you later on (later on),
Kiss me thru the phone,
(Kiss me thru the phone),
See you when I get home (I get home).

Baby, I been thinkin lately,
So much about you,
Everything about you,
I like it, I love it,
Kissing you in public,
Thinkin nothin of it,
Roses by the dozen,
Talkin on the phone,
Baby you so sexy,
Ya voice is so lovely,
I love ya complexion,
I miss ya,
I miss ya,
I miss ya,
I really wanna kiss you but I can't...
6 7 8 triple 9 8 2 1 2

Baby, you know that I miss you,
I wanna get wit you tonight,
But I can't my baby girl,
And that's the issue,
Girl you know I miss you,
I just wanna kiss you,
But I can't right now,

So baby kiss me thru the phone
(Kiss me thru the phone),
I'll see you later on (later on),
Kiss me thru the phone,
(Kiss me thru the phone),
See you when I get home (I get home).

She call my phone like,
Da da da da da da (x3),
We on the phone like,
Da da da da da da (x3),
We takin pix like,
Da da da da da da (x3),
She dial my number like,
Da da da da da da (x2),
6 7 8 triple 9 8 2 1 2

Baby, you know that I miss you,
I wanna get wit you tonight,
But I can't my baby girl,
And that's the issue,
Girl you know I miss you,
I just wanna kiss you,
But I can't right now,

So baby kiss me thru the phone
(Kiss me thru the phone),
I'll see you later on (later on),
Kiss me thru the phone,
(Kiss me thru the phone),
See you when I get home (I get home).

I love the lyrics. Enuff said.

p/s: Hey there Karma!

Tired

When I miss you but I have to shower and was too tired that I fell asleep in front of the laptop rite after I switched it on about 2 hours ago...

^_^

I miss you..

Random

Announcing

My wedding is moved to a later unknown date.
So, no anything on the 6th or 7th of June.
Well, yeah...

Dear God

When someone told me this is her favorite song, I googled and wikied the song and look for the lyrics, as well as the band Avenged Sevenfold. It's written that this band is like the Lacuna Coil of US. But when I listen to their songs, they are more metal than Goth, unlike Lacuna Coil who's more gothic. But then again, this song is more country than metal or goth.

Anyway, I think I understand why she told me about the song and recommended it to me.

Dear God
Avenged Sevenfold

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah


Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again oh no
Once again


There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
And all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
When hope begins to fade


A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again, oh no
Once again


I guess there's similarities between the lyric and what had happened before in my life. I guess she just see right through me. Even now.

Fingers

I guess it is Karma but I do not know for what reason.

Last 3 weeks, while training the kids volleyball, I accidentally hurt my right ring finger when trying to catch a bouncing ball. It hurts still and my finger could not bend properly and even do heavy works a finger usually does...... Like picking the nose etc...

Last weekend, my left index finger was cut by a damn PLASTIC!!!!! Even though it didn't bleed, it hurts like getting a paper cut.

And today, right after school as I just about to close the door of Baby Boy, the same index finger was almost smashed by the door and I took about 30 seconds to realize what had happened by staring at the poor lil fella. Luckily it was not smashed and the nail is still intact. And after 3 hours, it's still numb and could not bend properly nor do heavy works such as picking the nose... and scratching my back....

Pondering back, I wonder what did I do wrong using these two fingers. What does Karma wants me to pay on? To add to that, since April started, lots of shit happened and yeah, why?

Is it just my luck, or something wants me to realize something?

Still, I hope my two lil poor fellas will get well soon....

And it started...

Today was my first day in school after 2 weeks on the road, doing various stuff for the volleyball scene in JB.

And it started.

A teacher, who's concerned about wut happened to me in the school, and apparently was a victim too, previously, could not take it anymore.

She went to the headmistress.

And she told me.

And makes me wonder, why does the headmistress did not say anything to me when she walked past me.

But I could see that some teachers, who had had sided with him started to treat me better. I wonder why.

And yeah, I could still feel the resentment from his cliques, whom I had nothing against, even though it was covered with fake, hypocritical smiles.

But the congratulations from the administrations for my stint in Volleyball made my day, so I was kinda meh with all other stuff.

But I bet, today will be a start of a new battle. Which I hate. It's too troublesome. I'd rather do something else or deal with my other problems.

Meh anyone?

Self Deception

Self Deception
Lacuna Coil
I'll never waste another day searching to find the reason
Why did I choose to play this game?
This goes too far, I'll take no more

I played the part and took the blame while you pretend nothing is real
Life turned to night as you're asleep
blood flowing down, is this a dream?

Liar, you tempt me

I don't know what to do, no guilt is in my heart
I don't know what to do, I'm not the reason

I'll never waste another day forever lost no reason
He never choose to play this game taken too far out of control

Liar, you tempt me

I don't know what to do, no guilt is in my heart
I don't know what to do, I'm not the reason


I don't know what to do, no guilt is in my heart
I don't know what to do, I'm not the reason


I don't know what to do, no guilt is in my heart
I don't know what to do, I'm not the reason

I think I'm going crazy. I just wanna run away. Run away from all this shit. But I know I cant.

State of mind

I AM REALLY PISSED!
WHY IS IT GOING WORSE?
I'M REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!
DAMN

It's raining now

It's raining now
And he's thinking how
It would be
Everything might seems funny
But seems like an irony
too, And he's trying to
Living it and make do
With anything that comes by
To say hello and goodbye.

There's going to be sunshine tomorrow
In the evening you'll hear the crow
Talking about chances
For his advantages
To seize everything true
Even if it is hard to do
Even when he might not fare
And this struggle gives him a scare
And even scars of old
Will again be told

But in the rain tonight
He is wanting a fight
For his chances
For his advantages
Even in her sleep
She could dream of him wanting to keep
His will is strong and determined
To properly heal the famine
As the sleeping girl is affecting
The beads of his reflecting
His conscience and emotion
And from his heart, affections.
Musica
10/4/2009
J.B.

Spell

Spell
Marie Digby


Spotlight shining brightly
on my face
I can't see a thing
and yet i feel you looking my way

Empty stage
With nothing but this girl
Who's singing this simple melody
And wearing her heart on her sleeve

And right now
I have you
For a moment i can tell i've got you
Cause your lips don't move
And something is happening
Cause your eyes tell me the truth
I've put a spell over you

Beauty emanates from every
word that you say
And captured the deepest thoughts
in the purest and simplest of ways
But you see
I'm not that graceful
Like you
Nor am i as eloquent
But just a simple melody
Can change the way that you see me

And right now
I have you
For a moment i can tell i've got you
Cause your lips don't move
And something is happening
Cause your eyes tell me the truth
I've put a spell over you

And all my life i've stumbled
But up here i am just perfect
Perfect as i'll ever be

I have you
For a moment i can tell i've got you
Cause your lips don't move
And something is happening
Cause your eyes tell me the truth
I've put a spell over you

Love this song. Enuf said.

EEEEEE-TON

Shadow is slowly getting back to her old self.....




Anyway, I guess my mind is too tired that today I'm sleepy almost all day, except during class and watching movie. I'm trying hard to stay awake. It's been like this for days. Funny thing is, my body is energetic but not my mind. I guess I need a battery.



I guess my mind is giving up...

Volleyball District Level

After a whole week of grueling training, 4 of my boys, who had been selected to be part of Majidee's volleyball team, had finally tested out their skill, strength and endurance. Our volleyball team had participated the district level volleyball tournament and had to compete with other three zone in J.B., for two days.

It was upsetting when they lost the first match to a Volleyball Project School but they did not lose their spirit. They gave their best in the second match, but to lose the game with a deuce in the second set at 30-28. And then the rain arrived, showered our bad luck and misery away. And the tournament was postponed to the next day.

And today, this morning, with only six players arrived early, we had to start with not the best members. And we gave a good fight. One of the weak members in our team proved his not the weakest as he alone scored about 9 points straight with his sharp, strong and curved service. And I'm proud of him. Even when others arrived, we still kept on with the same player until we won the second set at 26-24. And yeah, they got Bronze for that. Even though it's the third place, I'm very proud of them as they really put 120% into today's game and they proved to others that we're not easy to beat.


You see the big kid at the end of the line? He's the star of today's match. And he snores (ROFL cute) when they slept at my place after the game while waiting for someone to pick them up.

And congrats for ya kids!

p/s: If I had my cam then, there will be more pics of you guys.

Smokey

Time: 12.52am
Date: 7th of April 2009
Location: Malaysia/J.B.
Mood: Unstable
Condition: Sleepless/Tired
Spirit: Weak
Motivation: Unstable
Song: Basia Bulat's Little Waltz
Activity: Blogging/Blur/Trying to sleep/Smoking
H/P Wallpaper:

Hope: Choosing the right path/Better future/Another chance

Paths

Before you go, please remember these…
When time is pressing, and you are down by bits,
You may tense, you must rest but please, never quit.
Sometimes things might hurt but it is alright to cry
To shed the tears, abandon the agony.
When you are distress, and you feel depressed,
You think you need someone, just find a listener.
For you know best, you hate to be told what you need to do.
My words, anyone, can never soothe u,
but suit yourself, you know yours will.
Whenever you want to smile, but you need to sigh
Just because you know your life is queer,
full of twist, full of turns
Often you think to given it up
Without knowing that a little more of steps
Will bring you to the winner’s crown.
When you want it fast, but the pace seems slow,
Try bit by bit, you may succeed with another blow.

Someone wrote to me this four months ago.
Reading it again, I keep on wondering. I know that choose my own path. But am I able to re-track my steps and turn back if I want to. Or should I choose, should I arrive at another fork of my life, the north or should I choose the south. 'For you know best, you hate to be told what you need to do', these words keeps on reminding me, am I making the decisions based on my ego, deep reflections and thinking or based on instinct, people's opinions or because it is the right path. It made me think about how the path is not right but how you make it right. Either way each of the path will always lead me through thorny bushes that eager to claw deep into my flesh. Having been through choices that's abundant with thorns, I am now afraid. Truly, deeply, madly afraid.

p/s: You really describe me well.

The Tale Of Things Happened

It happened many days ago. More than 300 days ago.

I was just home from my journey elsewhere and being single and alone, I knew it was coming. But I didn't expect it to be so deep and affecting. She was a happy, active girl. And yes, her aura did attract me, tho at first I was trying to suppress my emotions. But then it happened still and I'm glad it did. I was happy, really am. One of the happiest things that made me feel I'm home. You know, the sweet feeling of being back...

But it was short lived. One of my closest could not accept her well. Even though I am all over her, I did one of the worst thing, IMHO, I've done. I followed the order of my priorities. And I had to evict her. And it was during my 23rd birthday. On the night itself. It was a foolish action and I regret it. I was in a pinch. Its either I choose a person I knew for just few months or my own family. I was heartbroken, emotionally, mentally and physically. People do say that when you feel your heart aches, not emotionally nor mentally but physically its because you lost someone very dear. My heart feels like being filled with a big rock, heavy yet hollow, that it makes me hard to breathe. The pain and agony can't be described to those who had never felt it.

At that times my friends supported my decisions, thus I tried to be strong as to please those close to me. But deep down inside, I was torn apart, trying my best to keep together my sanity. And I almost fail.

Slowly, in secret, I met her from times to times, trying to heal her n myself. And I just knew I could not let her go. But our tracks were noticed and again I had to do it. Thinking back, maybe I was a coward or just a follower. I did not defend her. I did not choose her. I mean, I'm not saying that I blame those close to me coz I know they wants the best for me. But yes at that time I don't even know what's best for me, choosing her or choosing the people I've known for so long. And again I was in a deep dark whirlpool, trying to breathe the drowning air.

And then, I guess I ran away. And I left her in despair.

She did lock my heart before and the key is still with her now.
And I knew, even though she unlocks it, my feelings for her,even thought it's being suppressed, will stay. It will keep on trying to heal the broken heart.

And yes. I'm taken atm. I shouldn't even write this. But in my pursuit to be ready for the big day, I had to end the pasts in my head. But then, this is one past that I could not end. I just could not. I am weak. For she is the one I'm truly in love. The one that has ever given me the experience of an aching heart. And the heart aches still.

Flightless Bird, American Mouth

Flightless Bird, American Mouth
by: Iron & Wine


I was a quick wet boy
Diving too deep for coins
All of your street light eyes
Wide on my plastic toys
Then when the cops closed the fair
I cut my long baby hair
Stole me a dog-eared map
And called for you everywhere

Have I found you?
Flightless bird, jealous, weeping
Or lost you?
American mouth
Big pill looming

Now I’m a fat house cat
Nursing my sore blunt tongue
Watching the warm poisoned rats
Curl through the wide fence cracks
kissing on magazine photos
Those fishing lures thrown in the cold and clean
Blood of Christ mountain stream

Have I found you?
Flightless bird, grounded,bleeding
Or lost you?
American mouth
Big pill stuck going down

This song is just slow and easy and I just love the comparisons hidden in the words...
And yeah, it's from Twilight

Aeon : Lacuna Coil

There is something in your eyes, flowing them over
Stealing all the harmony which lives in me

Your hands are covering my tears...oh, why

There's a sort of inner dance, trying to seduce me
Feeling this anomaly which takes me

Your touch, you're here, your heart

Eton: Post Shoel's Funeral

Okay, me n Shadow aka Eton were heartbroken by the loss of our family member.
So we're slowly recuperating and adjusting. And yeah. She became a new girl. ^_^

Happy Birthday!

It's the fifth!
OMG
It's the fifth!

^_^

SO yeah, after a long distance call, Shim n Guna who were nice enough to bring me out, had gotten me sugar high that made me woke up late.

But yeah, who gives a damn.

Me and Shim went to pick up my volleyball kids to treat them pizza as promised and yeah, we had fun. The kids were full.




And thanx to ALi G who came all the way from BP to give me this nice gift. ^_^

lol

This year, its a different one.
Somehow I felt bad on what had happen on this very day in the past.
Even though there should be a silver lining somewhere, but i do feel a bit of remorse, and regret.
*Smacks me in the face twice*
Okay.
Its different coz I'm being celebrated, which seldom happen. And yeah, thanx to friends and pupils. ^_^
I've never been celebrated that fancy as I didn't want it. Funny rite?
What am I babbling about.


If I could just turn back time a bit.

Softball's Umpire

Back in 2001, I played my first Softball game. It was purely out of interest and since my Alma mater used to excel in the game, they had proper equipment and most district and zone level players were there. The thing was that our principal had this policy of sports in the college. The college will only let students play Soccer, Hockey and Volleyball seriously. The old legacy of a strong Softball team's training ground was diminished. What we did were gather those interested and experienced to create a club. And for two years, we've been learning from each other, with just a friendly game with the teachers.

After 2002, I did not play that game at all.

And now, 2009, since the administrations in the school knew of my background, they decided to make a team next year. They sent me and another teacher to the Softball Umpiring course so that we could learn more about the game and how to be good coaches and umpires. Even though it was just 2 days, we learned a lot!

And the organizers are willing to help our school with the equipments!

Well, I gotta plan for next year, since if we have a team, we could represent the district right away (benefits for the kids) and might as well represent the state.
I hope I could make a change in the school and I believe this is one of them.

Wish me luck.

p/s: I'm starting to love this year's April.

Memories

This vid from Zaini just made my day. Even tho it's quite old but hey, that's memories for ya!

Miss them brothers.

Envy

I envy the juniors...
They get to have fun in other countries...
I wanna go back to Aus.
I wanna stay there.
I wanna smell the autumn's, winter's, spring's and summer's scents.
I wanna work part time... in Ottoman of course.
I wanna live there.
I wanna have a carefree life.
I envy them.

April Fool....

Happy April Day! LOL
Guess I'd just be the one who said it.
Anyway, it's weird waking up from sleep to a phone call from one of my bosses... She called me early morning.... Em, it feels weird....
And it's weird that this week I'm not gonna be in school until next Monday, at least...
And it's weird when on Friday and Saturday I might have to go to a Softball's Umpire course. The game which I love and I just know the basic only....

Is somebody April Fooling me?

Or it's just my mind...

Hopefully I'll be free on Sunday.....