Random Reminiscing

Last nite, as I was getting ready to sleep and stroking the sleeping little girl next to me, I was suddenly taken back into one of my precious memories. Memories of my room in Brisbane. It was not something special but it was homely.



It was messy most of the time, smell of cookings, full of dust and yeah, ciggy smoke. But it was homely. The bed, the space, the chair, the desk, the window, the everything u can find in that room, they were all comfy, inspiring and energizing. Lotsa sweat, tears, saliva, and any other fluid (dont let ur imaginations run wild i warn u) made the room mine, and precious. And those that I've spent time with there at times. They are too, precious. And times that I had, too, are precious.

Makes me thought of one person who never entered my room, eventho my room was full of my thoughts for her. When I first met her, I knew I wud be attracted to her. I knew it. But I'm taken, and she's taken. However, it didnt stop us to be friends. It starts with her poking me all the time she cud. And she ended up being poked by me too. Lawlz I miss the poking fights. Things ended suddenly when she decided to go back to her home country as a result of a broken heart. And we ended it with just a hug. Me and her just went on our separate way.

But, the red threads of destiny has not ended for me. Somewhere in April the year after she left, about 5 months or so, we somehow contacted through MSN. We chatted bout our poking fights, about her uber delicious Ice-choc, about ppl that we both know and about us. As days goes by, we started to use the term 'I miss you' in our chatting sessions. And slowly after that, we were getting very close. We went over to the level of saying 'I really am missing you' and we mean it. And we started to opens up our heart to each other, but it was more of a hinting. But when two ppl hinting at each other and they both understood it, it means something rite? We even made a promise to each other to get hitched when we're both 25.

Few months after that, she came back. With the purpose of being with me. And I really appreciate that.

But, the first week, I just didn't have the chance to meet her. She was busy settling down. We only call each other and text and chat. But then, a great surprise came to me. She suddenly was at the place we first met, during my weekly routine going to that place. We hugged. A long warm hug. We missed each other and that was the cure. But sunny days wont last long. After 2 weeks she came back, she got back with the person that broke her heart. Much to my agony. But I know that I'm in her heart at that time, from her pokes, her hands that soothe my insecurities, her smiles, laughs and frowns. I know if I tried to take her from that person selfishly, our friendship will deter. So, I patiently waited for her, listen to her woes, advice her on what to do and support her. And at the same time, I knew I cud count on her. And I was right. She's always there whenever I have a prob. Always there. And yes, it hurts walking her home from work, walking her to the arms of that person. And we knew it is awkward. And thus the silence.

It's funny

Its funny when there's no words
Even when they're just inches apart
After all those talkings
They've even had each other's heart

He was so keen before
Too tired of being solo
She was broken hearted
Thought all men are retarded.
Feelings were never meant to be shared
But somehow it just happened
Between them was a thousand miles of water
Yet it could never stop them from being together.

Its funny when fate stepped in
They lost the moments when they thought they could sing
A long warm hug could never compensate
The insecurities that both of them get

Its funny when there's no words
Even when they're just inches apart
After all of those talkings
They've even had each other's heart

A promise that'll last three years
Would never expect their silent tears
Haunted by a painful past
Could never give their feelings just.
She needs him as a comfort
He gives it, broken hearted
He needs her as a partner
But funny there's no words when they're together.

They felt it funny when things change so much
And it could not be undone
Else hearts will be broken
And none could become one

Its funny when there's no more words
Even though they're just inches apart.
(24/7/2007)

Yeah, M wrote that to remind me of my feelings then.

As times passed, it was about 2 weeks more until I leave Brisbane for good. She decided he was not good enough for her. And she chose me. But since she was busy and I was too, we didnt have the chance to see each other. It's been a months since we havent seen each other. She had another job at another place and I was busy with my studies and packing. We tried, but there's always things that came up. It is either me or her.

3 days before my flight back to Malaysia. She was going to Sydney to her friend's place. We promised to see each other at the Brisbane Domestic terminal. Her flight is around 1 in the afternoon. Knowing that u have to check in 2 hours before the flight, I went there as early as 10 am, waiting for her. Tried to call her a number of times but wasn't connected. Walked around every counter, to the taxi stand, to the train terminal looking for her. At 12.30, I was depressed and decided I might have had missed her during those walks. I decided to go back to the city and to my room. There, I look at her text messages, her missed calls and I could felt her hand on my back, soothing me from my insecurities like she always do. Then I got a call. It was from a public phone. She called. She asked me where I was. She was at the airport!

I quickly ran out of my room, out of the Unilodge to the nearest taxi stand. With a limited amount of money in hand, I decided to take an expensive cab to get there as fast as possible. Lucky for me, the driver was kind enough to give me a discount after I told him that this is the last chance for me to see the person I cherish most. He said he will charge until a certain amount and will take the shortest route. And he did. I paid two third of the fare. The journey was a restless one. I couldn't sit still. I wished I could just teleport myself there. When I arrived at the airport, the driver wished me good luck and hoped that I could meet her. I then ran all over the counters and boarding gates while trying to contact her. But fate was too cruel. I failed. I failed to get to meet her. I failed to get to say goodbye and take good care of yourself to her. I failed to say the words 'I love you' to her. I stayed there for about 1 hour before heading back to Brisbane city. The city where bittersweet memories were entrusted upon me. The city of laugh and tears. The sleepy little Brisbane.

And until now, I still have the photographic memories of what had happened that day.

Good thing we're still in touch through MSN and phone calls. And we still remember the promise we made. And it'll be 2 years more. And even though there's a thousand miles of water between us, we still holds on to each other. And we still hoping that one day we will meet again and we will give each other a long warm hug. A hug that materializes our feelings that words could not express.

And she is my Lucky Se7en.

The Girl and The Dress

There she was again
Staring from outside the window pane
Admiring the beautiful creation
A dress that became her obsession
It has became a routine for her
A daily activity she has taken to favor
Appreciating each bits of the texture
The curves and the colour
She wondered how she would look in it
She could only dream of something she couldn't get
The dress was far too expensive
Something she couldn't pay with just Cursive
Not with a rhyme that is so expressive
Other girls could afford it, she thought
Even though it might not suit them, she fought
And they might only wear it once
In an elegant party, just for a dance
And who knows what will become of that dress
These evil thoughts, she tried to suppress
And yet she kept on admiring
Little did she know what it was thinking
And how the dress made itself waiting
To be bought by the one it was made for
The one who would cherish and love it to the core
I wonder if the dress could keep it's sane
If it knew it was made for the loyal admirer, outside the window pane.


(1/8/2007)