Musica's Music Scores

I'm alive again

2010-12-22T19:11:00.000+08:00

Wednesday
Dec 22, 2010
GMT +8 7.11pm.

Listening to Eminem ft Lil Wayne over and over on loop.

I think about more than I forget
But I don't go around fire expecting not to sweat

Reflecting on what I did since I came to Seremban.

Instead of the plans planned.

Heh.

Lotsa changes.

Be good or be good at it

Guess I opted for being good. Santa should tick my name on his 'Nice List'.

Heh.

And start over from scratch and write new ones

Start again? Meh.

I dont mind.

Its normal.

Again I should think I'm good at it.

Yay

2010-11-25T11:25:00.002+08:00

For the desperately bought netbook for work... so, lets celebrate by showing u 2 replays of my recent war in Battle Stations.

Background: I am Musica Valen, a defender of my clan... so I get hit first before our forts got hit.... these replays are taken from the recent war. (The ships look weird coz I had a ship skin on).

Replay A: Another fish is attacking me (a fish too)

Replay B: Then, seconds later, this guy attacked my fish....

MY FISH GOT EATEN BY OPTIMUS!!!!!!!!

I feel...

2010-09-30T13:34:00.004+08:00

-like doing everything all over again, but that would make me not the me I know today.
-that I might not be worth it for the standards, but my own.
-like I'm just the bushes, canopied by the large greens.
-afraid of things to come.
-clueless of my next step.
-that its as if I dont have any other options anymore.
-that what I feel seems to be invisible for others to feel.
-that my feelings is overwhelming that I cant concentrate on anything.
-like quitting this job and just wander around the face of the earth.
-like to continue this noting another day, another time.
-like searching for the book again.

Little Seed

2010-09-28T16:52:00.002+08:00

And there are things that I could see
that many could try but couldn't be
that some might have the slightest feel
that little could do much to understand me
understand how I stand, how I walk
understand how I create and how I talk
accepting what I want and what I need
it's like a sun to a seed.
That little seed
That weak little seed
All it wants is to grow
Tall, big and green
Like a big old oak
Piercing the sky, being a roost
Shading the shy, giving them a boost
But that little seed is little
So tiny that many belittle
And it will grow to be
Something that people make use of, you see
And I am that little seed
getting belittle at, getting stomped
getting slow at getting bigger
trying to grow to be greener
just like a simple tree
but can protect my baby
even if it cost my body, dearly
or my life as the price
no, this aint no dice
I would literally give my life
away, so that they can get a nice
smile to give me back
give me their happiness and peace, in fact
let them babies of mine
wear something nice and fine
that others awed at while they dine
in jealousy and envy
Coz I'd do anything for my baby.

Where'd you go - Fort Minor

2010-09-28T16:20:00.000+08:00

What I see

2010-09-28T15:29:00.002+08:00

Its too hard to bear
When an S is negating another S
even when the both of them
are the same entity.
Its too hard to see
when an S fits an N
even when the both of them
are different entities,
when they shouldn't be as one.
Its hard to swallow
the irony of the words.
Its hard to comprehend
the idea of the idea.
And its hard enough
to make others see.
What I see.

Awaken by Maher Zain

2010-08-31T13:34:00.002+08:00

It makes wonder what's the craze about this Maher Zain guy all over my friends' facebook. And I went to youtube to find this video. Not much of a video though. But you tell me. Is it a great song
or what.

Lyrics:

We were given so many prizes
We changed the desert into oasis
We built buildings in different lenght and sizes
And we felt so very statiesfied

We bought and bought
we couldn't stop buying
We gave charity to the poor cause we couldn't stand their crying
We thaught we paid our dues but in fact
To ourselves we're just lying

Oh...I'm walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I'm walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it's easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves

I'm walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I'm walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it's easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves

We were told what to buy and we'd bought
We went to London, Paris and Costa del Sol
We made show we were seen in the most exclusive shops
Yes we felt so very statisfied

We felt our money gave us infinit power
We forgot to teach our children about history and honor
We didn't have anytime to lose...when we were(were)
So busy feeling so statisfied

I'm walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I'm walking with my head from my race
Yes it's easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves (2x)

We became the visuals without a soul
despite the heat
Our homes felt so empty and cold

To fill the emptiness we bought and bought
Maybe all the fancy cars and bling will make us statisfied

My dear brother and sister it's time to change inside
Open your eyes...Don't throw away what's right aside
Before the day comes when there's nowhere to run and hide
Now ask yourself...cause Allah's watching you

Is he statisfied?...Is Allah satisfied?(3x)

Oh...I'm walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I'm walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it's easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves(2x)

Eminem: Recovery

2010-07-16T16:56:00.004+08:00

taken from Eminem.com

It has been 2 weeks that I've been looking for this album.
And it proves to me that JB is one of the worst original music selling hub in this country. For more than 8 days I've been scouring the city for an original copy of this album but I could only find a copy of the pirated version. Tried placing order, made few calls, wasting fuel and time. And finally I found it.
And it's worth it.
Every song that I've listened to is worth it.
It is not as fun as the previous Relapse, but the emotion of each song and its lyric was overwhelming. Much maturity shown from one of the greatest rapper in our time. And I cant wait to listen to the rest 3 songs.

Singles released from this album:

-Not Afraid
-Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna

Half burnt candle

2010-07-12T15:25:00.002+08:00

It is dark and empty
void as it will ever be
and a ray shines, burning
a half burnt candle glimmering
revealing the dimly lit path
half as true, half as farce
being a beacon to
moths and travellers
and they are almost lost too
for their eyes are blurry
of fear, shame and fury
and with nothing else in hand
but a half burnt candle to light the land
and it is a faint hope
that they tried to cope
with, as they walk down the slope.

Eminem - Not Afraid

2010-06-22T16:32:00.001+08:00

A new single from Eminem.

Deep message.

Nice?

Goodbye

2010-05-30T23:10:00.002+08:00

It was a Monday. Not just any Monday, but the Monday where teachers celebrate the Teachers' Day in school. And I ended that day depressed.

Tashiboo has passed away.
Confirmed by a specialist on Thursday.

After 5 years or so,
After all those memories,
After all those editing,
After all those GW and MMOs,
After all those assignments,
After all those torrent-ing, downloading, uploading, bookmarking,
And after all those traveling,
He passed.

Thank you.
Gonna be hard to find a replacement.
You are after all, a part of me.

In Uthenera

2010-05-09T22:53:00.003+08:00

Been playing Dragon Age: Origins for a while now thanks to Seng Chee. These song captivates me, not only because of the FMV in the game, but the words in the song too.

Lyrics:

hahren na melana sahlin
emma ir abelas
souver'inan isala hamin
vhenan him dor'felas
in uthenera na revas

vir sulahn'nehn
vir dirthera
vir samahl la numin
vir lath sa'vunin

Translated from the elven tongue:

elder your time is come
now I am filled with sorrow
weary eyes need resting
heart has become grey and slow
in waking sleep is freedom

we sing, rejoice
we tell the tales
we laugh and cry
we love one more day

-- From "In Uthenera," traditional elven song of unknown origin.

Crushed Crush

2010-04-29T22:29:00.003+08:00

(pic taken from google search here)

What happened to your crush?
Why does a crush called crush?
Is it meant to be crushed?
Irony eh....
Just a thought....

It all happened when I witnessed two 12 year olds and their crushes. One is a boy. One is a girl. And kids being kids, they planned lots of childish plans to get their crushes' hearts. Both with plans that might end up destroying my car... How do I know? From their friends...

At times, I'd chuckled at those plans and how adorable they are. But now, I cant sit easy without thinking what if it would really happen? What should I do? I mean my car's repair would be costly and at the same time, these kids are still kids. And hopefully it wont happen so that I don't have to think of what my course of action would be next for them.

Maybe in the future they would laugh at their childhood crush.
But hopefully in the future I don't have to mope in the sad corner of my house for the money spent on repairs...

This room.

2010-04-17T00:55:00.002+08:00

There is a room
with not much room.
It is the smallest
and some say the weakest
but its not that detached.
The maid's quarter
is much more better
with a bathroom attached.
The room gets the sun all day
it gets the heat everyday.
The room get the rain some days
but stays the most humid for days.
And for days its been like that
unlike the other rooms, that have much more fat.
It is like an oven, it is like a box
it is not like a place where you can coax.
But mind you, the one with obsessions
This room is filled with important possessions.
No one could not be in the room, to be a part,
if he does not have heart.

25's Blackout

2010-04-06T16:37:00.003+08:00

It was the 5th yesterday.
And at around 8pm, the housing area I lived in had had a blackout. Without warning.

I was tired, being in the team that organized the district level volleyball competition for under 18-boys. Went to work at 7am, finished at 4. Mind you, I didn't just stand there. I did stuff that can make an ox too tired to even munch the grass inside it's mouth.

So usually night time was my time. For me to check the Facebook, play some FB games, write some work stuff, type some stuff, print some stuff. All using the electricity. But not the night of the 5th of April 2010.

Last night when every houses on the street went dark at the same time, I felt like I couldn't do a thing. So I took my keys, went downstairs to start my car just to charge my mobile phone, just in case it couldn't last until the next morning to wake me up. While waiting for it to be done, I observed.

I observed my surrounding. Neighbors rushing out to go to places that has electricity. Hondas after Hondas, Toyotas after Toyotas. I ignored them.

Instead, I turned my eyes to the sky. There, I wonder, why is it always Orion that I see at night. Not even the Ram in sight.

Spending almost an hour wondering outside of the house was enough for me.

Went back upstairs, light a candle and there it was, the book that darling lent to me. I do not read non-fantasy genre. But, that's all the entertainment I had. It was quite good. Look for the book 'The White Tiger' by Aravind Adiga. I recommend it.

Reading by the candle light was hard. ^_^

Once in a while I'd lie down, book aside, and stared out the window. The sky was cloudy, with the moonshine illuminates the layer of the clouds, making it glowing. And with that glow, the earth was caressed with soft light. Everything looks beautiful. The silent neighborhood was blanketed with what seems like a cooling sun. And to me, that is a great sign.

Sign for the 'me' whom had just got to the age of 25.
A sign telling me that even in the darkness, there will always be a calm and cool factor.

And last night's black out was like the birthday gift from the Mother Nature.

We Are The World 25 For Haiti

2010-02-26T21:41:00.000+08:00

We all need somebody that we can lean on
When you wake up look around and see that your dreams gone
When the earth quakes we’ll help you make it through the storm
When the floor breaks a magic carpet to stand on
We are the World united by love so strong
When the radio isn’t on you can hear the songs
A guided light on the dark road your walking on
A sign post to find the dreams you thought was gone
Someone to help you move the obstacles you stumbled on
Someone to help you rebuild after the rubble’s gone
We are the World connected by a common bond

Stare

2010-02-26T20:54:00.003+08:00

I watched them, I envy them.
When I look at them, I'm glad its working good for them.
And when I stare at them, I despise them.
I'm jealous.

And why cant I have it the way they have it?
And there I was, kept on staring at them.
And here I am, trying to look away.
But I just cant unlock that stare from them.

Those familiar faces

2010-02-22T17:33:00.004+08:00

Those faces brought back my emotions.

There he was, still dark as before, still had to mutter words.
There he was, still mischievous and foul-mouthed.
There he was, still quiet.
There he was, still calm and in control.
And there he was, still curious.

There she was, still high spirited and full of smiles.
There she was, still staring.
And there she was, still speculating.

And here I am, proud of them.
And here I am, laughing with them.
And here I am, advising them.
And here I am, crying, missing them so much.

And there they were, those familiar faces, waving goodbye to me.

When the time comes

2010-02-21T20:27:00.003+08:00

When the time comes, the egg will hatch.
When the time comes, the grub becomes hard.
When the time comes, wings will flutter.
When the time comes, two hearts will bear.
When the time comes, the fire will be extinguished.
and when that time comes, it will happen.
It's just as it should be.

A Reality

2010-02-11T18:04:00.003+08:00

There I was, just trying to get my first meal of the day at 11 at big mamak place near Kampung Melayu. After confirming my order of Teh Tarik and Roti Telur, my favourite habit triggered. I started to observe people around me. At my 12 o clock, there's a table of an Indian family. The father, mother and son sat there happily eating their brunch. directly behind them was a group of Malay men, clad in simple kampung attire, ragged shirt and pants. They were talking about anything, mostly nothing is of importance. At my 10 o clock, there was a pair of Chinese businessmen. They were obviously discussing their opportunities of getting more profit, intervened by some CNY preparations small talks.

My meal came. It was cold. So much for the big building.

As I was tearing down the mamak cuisine, an animal crossed in front of me. A cat. A mother. She was holding her baby, maybe 3 weeks old, by its hind leg. It struck me that there might be something wrong with the kitten. The mother cat laid the kitten on the floor, between me and the Chinese businessmen, licking its litter with love and attention. It didn't made any movement at all. The kitten was dead.

The Indian family was uneasy with the cats.

The Malays gave glances then continued with their conversation.

The Chinese, they called for the waiters to throw away the dead kitten.

And they did.

The maternal instinct of the cat kicked in. Younger than Eton (maybe she's about 1 years old), she couldnt help but to watch everything helplessly. Seeing the dead body of her offspring being swept away and sent to the nearest black bin, she cried and cried for her lost litter. She begged and begged these people for her baby. No one cared to be attentive, empathetic and caring to this young mother. It was a sad reality.

She is, after all, was just a cat.

Ah okay, wow....

2010-02-01T23:16:00.002+08:00

The battery is needed, not the bulb.
Coz the bulb doesnt need another bulb to light.

The cactus needs just few drops of water, not a tank of it.
For the cactus will die of too much to drink.

The surfer can only surf on tides, not on a tsunami.
Or it will drown him.

And the sailor needs a calm breeze, blowing his sail to his destination.
And he'll pray and pray and hope for the typhoon and the storm would get past the ship so that his precious cargo wont find the seabed a comfy home.

Smile

2010-01-21T10:35:00.001+08:00

^_^

And get back on your feet.

^_^

And reach out your arms.

And the bloke is happy

2010-01-11T01:54:00.000+08:00

It is a silent starry night,
And the bloke is happy.
It is the calm before the storm,
And the bloke is happy.
The other is sleeping,
And the bloke is sleepy.

Have a great Christmas!

2009-12-24T23:59:00.001+08:00

Merry Christmas to all of you.

Share the love!!

p/s: Now Santa, cant u see that I'm being nice?

The Baby In The Cot

2009-12-24T23:49:00.002+08:00

The baby in the cot
Is naive and pure
Unknown of the minds that rot around him

Others' pains, he wont know about it
As the protective cot
Shields him from smears and stains

The baby would sleep all day
Inviting 'Oooohs' and 'Aaahs'
And in the cot he'll always lay

Tossing and turning not knowing
Being in the cot is a good thing
Purifying others, being a baby, he is calming.

Bury by Pay Money To My Pain

2009-12-22T23:57:00.002+08:00

Something's changing inside of me
I need to write down before I
Forget you never told me, you're alone

Fury and anger breaks me down
I'm so stuck and I can't get out
But I can only, hate you
(hate you)...

Can't you feel me
Can't you love me
Even if you hurt me

I still remember about your scars
I could understand, stand aside
(aside)...

Wanted something I can't take
I'll be stronger once again
Don't worry about me trust me
Please trust me now

Now, I have to see it
This is for my love
Open this heart and my mind
Let me believe

Now, I have to listen again
This is for my love
Remember why I'm still in here
'Cause it's all for you

One more time help me sing again (yeah)
You can hurt me, I'll still be the same
When it's something I can't take (yeah)

I'll be stronger once again...
I need you to end my every worry
Taking time is it for...

You can hurt me down
(You can hurt me down)
Ill give you my love
You are good as you are
(for..)(what should I do)
(for..)(what should I do)

I will give myself for you
(should I stay this way)
(should I leave you)
(you)
You can live your own life for you
It's all for you...

Great song from the One Outs anime.

The Lotus Eater

2009-12-22T23:29:00.002+08:00

I am Thomas Wilson. I planned to live until I'm 40. But I'm not Thomas Wilson. He planned it carefully, about his financial, about his life, about everything. Me, I didn't plan.

People say I'm not serious about my life.

Not that I'm not serious about my life. I got plans for the future.

But I guess I'm not that strong willed to commence my plan.

And I've been facing lotsa situations, environments and conditions (you can say I'm traumatized about this) that tells me money is not everything. And the Thomas Wilson in me somewhat tells me to live the life in the present. Yah, its not good, I know.

But money is everything.

Guess I need to molt.

Shit.

I hate this feeling.

Sometimes I just wish that I could be Pearl Valen and go on an adventure on the lands of Cantha, Elona and Tyria for real.

Eton is a cow!!

2009-12-13T09:32:00.002+08:00

Dont believe it?

Watch this!!

Cows eat grass...
Eton eat grass...
Thus Eton = Cow

Nieces day out

2009-12-09T23:21:00.002+08:00

Been a while since I went back home and meet the girls. So the moment I reached Seremban, I decided to take my nieces out just for a walk around Jusco. The girls were exited to be with their super handsome-cute-and-good-hearted-unca~ ^_^

Aren't they cute?

Madah Di Tengah Malam Buta

2009-11-25T00:02:00.001+08:00

Setajam-tajam duri dan sekeras-keras kulit durian, ade je alur yang lembut untuk di tusuk.

Doodles

2009-11-21T20:30:00.004+08:00

You know, human doodles. Do not ever tell me that you haven't doodled even a doodle in your life. Don't lie.

Anyway, these here are the doodles that I doodled back during the KISSM course last year. Guess I was super bored eh? ^_^

Little Talents Show 2009

2009-11-18T21:20:00.017+08:00

Today, the afternoon session held the Little Talents show for the kids, to let them have some fun showing off their hidden artistic talents (as well as to finish up the remaining money set aside for the afternoon session). It was held to make it similar to the Idol shows. We even have our own juries, we have our own enthusiastic crowd of audiences, and we have a great host too! One that can rival Seacrest imo.

We chose 17 out of tens of applicants yesterday and yeah, the idea was them to dress up, sing with the help of karaoke CDs and sing with emotions!!

Let the pics say it all!!
Just look at the crowds!!

The contestants gets to wear fancy outfits and yes, get to have make ups too! ( A real big deal for them!!)

Just look at their performance!! These are future idols in the making!!

And the judges are having the best and the worst of times deciding for the winner.

And here's the final 3!

And the winner is......

But, the best performance award goes to....

Siti Noor Hidayah!
Congrats darling!

There you are. Thus ends the Little Talent Show 2009. And here's the encore!!

Achievement of the day.

2009-11-09T22:34:00.005+08:00

3 Cemerlang holds the most notorious year 3 kids and I teach them English and Science.
About 15 or so has to go for a special reading, writing and counting class and 1 of them was sent to the special kids class. They could not read and write well in their first language thus teaching, doing activities and understanding English are tough jobs for me and for them. Not to mention, class control is considered as the battle of the day, where you might end up broken and bruised. They speak foul language, had really weird cases, they fights, they lie, they ignore authority and they are kids being kids.

After months teaching these kids, I have been dreaded and hated Tuesdays where I have to teach them 4 periods straight, an hour of English, followed by an hour of Science. Tuesdays are the days I lost my voice, my temper and my charm (I think). I've been a marksman, trained by throwing marker pens to the spot exactly next to the kids to make sure they behave and pay attention. Some hit their songkok, some hit their pencil case. And at the start of each class, I'd arrange the empty marker pens on the table. So as to be a sign for the kids that I'm ready for their misbehaviourism. And its because of this class I started to carry along a short cane. Not that I cane them everyday, just for special cases such as fist fighting.

And kids being kids, they tend to get immuned by the cane-waving-action. They made a sport out of it by trying to evade it. They even raced to get the thrown marker pens and give it back to me. And all were accompanied by giggles and laughters and snickers pointed at me, for failing to hit them.

Truth be told, most of the kids in this class came from broken family, or ignored, or has a hard life at home. Parents work from dawn till midnite, dad in jail, mum passed away and so on and so on. Their immediate environment consists of law breakers, gangsters, drug addict and such. Thus the reason them being them. Monkey see, monkey do.

Today, after an hour long meeting, still tired from the 3 days camp that ended on Saturday, hungry and dreaded the fact that I have class until 2.30pm, before I get to eat something, I entered the class. Facial expression set to mean machine mode. I got them to stand up, asked for their home work given while I was away (yes, despite post-end-of-the-year-exam, we still have to teach so that the kids would be ready for the next year). Gave them a few minutes of lecture for not finishing up my homework, I told them that for the class today they need to finish up their activity book. And I added that those who does not do what I ask, they will receive the appropriate reward. I said that while waving my cane in the air.

And they started to do their work. Even the most notorious kid was doing it. He even work as a pair with his partner in crime to finish up the work.

And to my amazement, the kids were so behaving while I was in the next class for about 10 to 20 minutes. The noisiest class in the afternoon session was so silent that I thought something was wrong. You can only hear murmurs of discussion of the work.

And before the class ended, I applauded them. And during Science at the end of the day, I let them watch Ironman, broadcasted from my laptop in the computer lab.

Achievement of the day: 3 Cemerlang behaved!

p/s: The naughtiest kid in the class wants to watch Doraemon instead of the Ironman...

"Action, Reaction"

2009-11-03T23:32:00.006+08:00

People, or I'd rather say humans are a dynamic creature..

wouldn't you agree?

A stimulus, would always invites reactions from these humans.

"Action, reaction. Action, reaction", like a weird guy I met in Brisbane would say everytime i met him.... yes, EVERYTIME.

* * *

A colleague said to me today, for a guy to make sure a girl is true and honest to you, borrow from her a sum of money, and keep doing so, until u've borrowed 2K from her.. and IF she did lend u the money, she's for the keeps. And make sure you pay her back when your heart is at ease..

I beg to differ.

Past experience had taught me that it wont be the case.

"Action, reaction"

* * *

A rivalry in the office would lead to a hypocritical atmosphere. And when the rival left, all hell will break loose, provided the rivalry is of the higher ups.

And gave me an extra head ache to deal with.

"Action, reaction"

* * *

Despite the beliefs of some, despite the symbolization of the fashion worn, some people would always be the one they aspire or believe they aren't, consciously or unconsciously. And thus proving how strong or how weak their determination or their beliefs.

"Action, reaction"

Run for the lollipop

2009-10-20T23:31:00.000+08:00

The kid keeps on running
under the sun, under the rain
past the hill, over the bridge
trying to get to the candy shop
to buy himself a lollipop

The kid falls down
tripped on a stone, fell on twigs
face buried in dirt, palm and knee bleeds
stopping the tears with his eyelids
stopping the pain with his heart beats

The coins the kid had had scattered
with battered fingers he picked them up
one by one, one after another
counting each of the coins carefully
for the price of making himself happy

The kid stood up and stare
looking at the stone, looking at the dirtpath
he winced at the pain, winced at the fall
one foot forward, he started again
running and running, forgetting his pains.

Signs

2009-10-18T23:10:00.004+08:00

Tell me, would you believe in some small details that can barely catch your eyes would later be a sign for you?

Tell me, are you as superstitious as me?

Tell me, do you believe me if I say I believe in it, if I say I'm superstitious?

Around a month ago, I almost involved in a car accident. Before it happened, I saw 4 apparitions. And few hours later something covered the back of my car... I think I've posted something here about that before..... And later, withing few days/weeks after that, 4 person connected to me got into road accidents and me almost met with a couple more accidents.... The last person of the prediction was an 8 year old kid. And it cost him few nerves in his head....

In the past few days, I've been given signs. Signs that would be so ridiculous. Signs that tells me what's happening and yeah, it might, as I believed, tells me what will happen or what should happen in the near future.

I was at the beach, washing some barbecue fat and oil off my hands with sea water and melted ice. Then, I threw the ice away, as far as I could. Guess what followed the ice? 2 of my precious beads bangles. One was given to me by a Buddhist monk, another was from a girl. Frantically I went into the water to look for it. But the sea returned only one of the bangles. The Buddhist bangle. I spent quite some time to look for the other bangle, but to no avail. I even tried to look for it the next day, hoping to see at least one of the beads.... I failed.

And today, as I wanted to leave PD for JB, Babyboy couldn't be started. I tried to jumpstart it, with the help of a nice old man, but Babyboy just wouldn't move its heart even an inch. Some good souls tried to help me, much to my greatest appreciation. And I waited by Babyboy's side for hours until the only available mechanic in town was available to tend to his wounds. He jumpstarted the poor boy and Babyboy managed to breathe again. Hilmi came with Ida and they drove behind me to make sure I make it back to Seremban safe. Back in Seremban, I turn off the engine and was about to get into the house when I thought of trying to start the poor boy again. And Babyboy can be started. He was alive and kicking! Cant believe my luck I switched off the engine and tried again. And Babyboy is alive!!

It's weird, isn't it?

Feels like Babyboy doesn't want to leave PD.

I wonder what these signs are for.......

Gah, I'm too tired.

I'll be your bat, you'll be the cat in the dress
Wait no, you should be the damsel in distress

And today's the day I was proven wrong.

2009-10-09T20:47:00.003+08:00

I just arrived at the car park of my housing area today when I realized that I only ate something light for lunch. I stepped out of the car, taking along my trusted washed green sling bag, and walked towards the nearest burger stall. And it was closed. I wondered if that burger guy and his wife had something to do today. They are a nice couple. In fact, they are the only people that I talked to extensively here at the housing area. Being denied of having some beef tonight, and the fact that I'm quite lazy to cook tonight, I headed to the mamak stall under the building. There, I ordered some take away and while waiting for it to be ready, I got my self a cup of tea.

And sitting at one of the perfect spot in the stall, I was engaged in my favourite pastime, analyzing other people.

There were not any customer in sight but a boy and his mum. The boy, I figured, is about 6. Since it was around 7 pm and the nearest primary school has the afternoon session, they boy cant be a primary schooler as he wore a normal yellow shirt and matching shorts, and he acted too young for his body built. He has bigger body than 8 years olds, mind you. He was playful, curious and seems to be keen on learning how the owner of the stall made some dishes.

And the mum, wore pink baju kurung, free haired, a little bit chubby but was buried in some papers. She would occasionally ordered something for her son to eat, whining around about her son behaviour and get back to the piles of papers spread on the eating table. Judging from her looks, she's a busy career woman. She might be a single mother, who earns enough to make ends meet every month.

My first impression after these initial analysis was that that boy might be a bit left out by the mum, whom giving him a couple of roti canai for dinner. He might be sent to the nearest nursery, where the rats roam the door steps at nights and all the kids there get was some ABCs, watching tv and afternoon naps. The mum wears a shiny baju kurung, maybe it was tailored for the Eid, and the boy's shirt, it was quite aged. So, my initial conclusion is, the boy might need a better upbringing.

As I sipped my tea for the umpteenth time, the mum called someone on the phone. Her expression was a bit happy and flirtatious, and yeah, she would occasionally paused at her conversation to make sure her son would behave. Maybe she's dating someone.

The urge to confirm my analysis got over me.

So I started a conversation with her.

"How old is he?"
"Six, but he looked like nine isn't he?" The mum smiled, proud. "He already finished Iqra 6. He can read and write and even speak in English."

I was dumbfounded.

"I sent him to the Smart Readers for 2 years since he was 3", she continued. "And now, he feels that its boring to learn. He said he wanted to play some video games."

I was speechless. I already knew that my analysis can only be about 70% right, but I just couldn't predict this coming to me. Trying to get back my composure, I sipped another tasteless portion of the tea.

"Why don't you give him Year 1's exercises, that ought to challenge him", I said to the lady.

She looked at me and smiled. "I did that, and he did it quite well. Maybe Year 2's might challenge him."

"Yeah, as long as his brain can get on to the thinking mode, then he'd be one of the best students in the future." I said that, in awe.

And in awe, I realized that this is the day I was proven wrong in my analysis, and the day I gladly accepting that fact.

The old saying about the book and the cover stays true still. And yeah, this event had helped me and reminded me not to leave any small detail about my subject of analysis. In this case, the papers on the table, the telephone conversation, and of course, the eyes of them two. Much can we learn from looking into the eyes of each being on earth. Eyes wont lie to you. And I ignored that during my analysis today.

^_^

I was wrong!

Time for the next analysis!

Faces Of School

2009-10-07T20:02:00.005+08:00

These few months of late, I've been the official (non-official)

photographer

of the school. Been taking pictures of numerous events in school and yeah, these here are some random pics (without editing but resizing, mind you) that I've taken to love.

Ah well, some might notice, these are my fav kids lol
But hey, they are the ones that are willing to smile to the camera without being monkeys~

^_^

The Sky is Crying

2009-09-30T22:25:00.002+08:00

When the favourite part is bruised
Just when the ship is about to cruise
the ocean of stars and moons and it became loose
Losing the composure, losing the insanity
From the calm to vanity
Would even questions one's reliability
of holding on to the promise of security
and the ability of being the evergreen entity

The sky is crying, Earth momma's weeping
The land is terrorizing, trying to stop the fantasizing.

Trying the very best to recite
This feeling of being like shite
The urge to fight
Couldn't be fought but managed to be sought after
Grinding these stones into powder
and blow it all and let it scatter

It might not be the gold dust
Not even the worldly lust
Not the magical trust
Nor the dreamer's frustration
Just another imagination
That it will leave, full of anticipation
That it would be ok, that it'd be fine
to thread this thin line
They say tonight we dine
in hell, heck I don't mind

Told you don't wake me up when it ends
September is just a dance
Endless Waltz where hope ascends
To the crying sky, the weeping momma
Avoiding reality embracing the dogma
Maybe not, maybe to the magma
Of the terrorized land
So as to understand
Rocks to sand
Why would it be that part
That's bruised and bruised hard
was my favourite part.

The sky is crying, Earth momma's weeping
The land is terrorizing, trying to stop the fantasizing.

Magical Dreamer

2009-09-27T20:45:00.002+08:00

Blazing through the soft light
The cloudy sky just couldn't give a fight
for the glare of the big red
He just need someone to spread the red carpet.
Under the mundane view
Listening to the song on radio
Pondering to Linkin Park's
Wondering into the farce
Trying to find the place where he belongs
Maybe in her arms, maybe in the song.
But any song won't last a day
Any season won't even stay
Even the greatest of heart would sway

When the moon comes out of his hiding place
The moths would flutter to his eternal grace
Carrying along the glowing dust
To spread the magic, spread some trust
into the magical dreamer's sleep
for a dream worthy to keep.

Even the magical dreamer would be lost
Even the dreamer would be tossed
around and around
and flung onto the ground
to have a reality check
to be awoken from the dream and get back
to the real world.

Sunset

2009-09-27T01:48:00.003+08:00

As I sat there by the beach, watching the sunset I could not predict that the sunset would somehow symbolizes my feelings of this long vacation, as I might called it, and how I feel as it is about to end.

It was crimson with the roundness of the sun of the dusk started to submerge into the straits of Malacca. As slowly as it was trying to do that, the clouds marched towards the big red and covered the rays in its tight grip. The sea, a peaceful being, tried to strike a balance between these two wonders of nature, but it couldn't help but being the third entity in this struggle. The sea was painted half crimson and half azure. With a peck on the cheek, a fine line between the two colours was born, separating them beautifully.

September has been good to me. Its like the stars have been lining up one by one to bless me with great luck and joy. But with a great virtue, comes the great despair.

Each day was eventful.
Each day was unforgettable.
Each day was emotional.

I found myself, and I lost it again.
I found truth, and covered a lie.
I found rules, and broke it into pieces.

Sometimes I wonder, how would it be if this long vacation is my last.
Would I be forgotten?
Or would I be remembered?
Would I be praised?
Or would I be condemned?
Would I be loved?
Or would I be detested?

What I wished for this whole vacation is not to be forgotten. I feel like I'd be a tiny microscopic memory that would vanish by a gust of wind.

I've seen signs. The signs of what humans feared all their life.
But I'm not sure if the sign is meant for me.
And I'm hoping that I misinterpret the signs brought down to me.
Yeah, you could call me a pussy, yellow, chicken and shit. But trying hard to conceal this feeling with a mask of confidence, laughter, joy and content, I'm still afraid. Only baby boy would know how I felt.
Only he would know how I feel.
Maybe only he could see how I would've been seen.

You know, it's a shitty feelings.

But, as long as this blog is still being written and read, I won't ever forget this long vacation. I won't ever trade it for another one. And I won't ever leave it behind. Ever.

As I had honest fun times. I had moments worthy to be engraved on a stone that would lasts millenia. I had the best company, the best atmosphere and the best life I've ever had. And thank you for making it happen for me.

And as I stand there, wathing the big red sinks into the straits of Malacca, so does this long vacation coming to an end. The azure crimson sea slowly turns dark, into the unknown future, providing uncertainties, possibilities and responsibilities. And I hope I'm ready when the moon rises.

Don't wake me up when September ends.

Rules of Escorting

2009-09-24T22:25:00.003+08:00

For you people out there who aspires to be a male escort, or wrongly known as gigolo, these are the rules that I've created. Bear in mind that it should be read with an open mind as I wrote this based from my research, observations and experiences.

1. The most important thing for a male escort is NOT TO FALL IN LOVE with the clients! Dont ask me why, figure it out yourself. Well, you cant? If you fall in love with the client, that means the end of your escorting career. U need to stop when u fall in love. Pursue your love. Enough said?

2. Only do things that they allow you to do. Don't be disrespectful. Your clients look after escorts to have a secure pampering, not to be taken advantage of. You will only dirty the profession.

3. Make sure you make an arrangement or a deal before you accept the client. And make sure they agree on the arrangement. An example is when to bail, or how long the duration is.

4. Keep in mind that a male escort is an escort. You became the escort. You became the shoulder they need to cry on to, the ear they need to talk to. You need to comfort them, pamper them and show them the rainbows of life. Your clients look for you to get help. And you need to help them. Its not becoming a male prostitute whatsoever. Its to help others.

5. Last rule for the moment of this entry, you need to be strong. Escorting can be hard, emotionally, and some times, physically when things gets bad. You need to be prepared for the end of the arranged session, or a deal u made with the client. And make sure to keep your mind switched on all the time. Some clients would refuse to let you go, some would leave by themselves. So, again, make sure you are strong to handle it.

p/s: What ever you think about this, I cbf with it... I'm soo bored of not being able to sleep...

Behind the steering wheel

2009-09-22T00:45:00.002+08:00

Behind this steering wheel
Realized how much this car feel
From what I reel
into the car, onto the wheels
Paving my own road,
crossing the borderlines of limited limits
Under the somber sky the green boy rushes to push it limits
Trying to figure out, trying to get it.
Clouds rumbling, thunders crackling and the sky crying
The wretched soul keeps on blasting
the radio to its max, peeling of the wax
Not for any mile gain, not for profits.
Who had been the copilots?
A,B,C or D?
How he get into the autopilot?
No he cant do that, not without me.
Blazing through the highway
They tried to leave the past miles away
But none cant stop the heart's sway
From the tar's colours to ancient grey

Behind this steering wheel
Emotions ran high, sunk low
Careful there boy, you might blow
up, And keeps your heads up
Let the volume get up and high
Let others sigh of your tries
Make them envy of green
Paint your name all over the screen
Pull out their spleen
And show them how much u worth
Ride the wind all over the earth

Never forget tho boy
Who is the creator of the ploy
Who drove u the way you're going
And let you amaze others and be their king.

A lion gotta check the kingdom once in a while..

2009-09-21T18:57:00.004+08:00

Happy celebrating Eid ul-Fitr!

This year, spent the first day of Eid with my family and frens...

yeah.....

Well, Selamat Hari Raya from me, Musica, D n Bro..

p/s: gonna have a photoshoot somewhere this week, anticipate fer it yeah?

Lion

2009-09-19T22:26:00.002+08:00

I think I was destined to be a lion.

Fate so far has been written for me to stalk the savanna alone.

And alone I'll be for this festive season.

I love it!

Selamat Hari Raya

2009-09-19T00:30:00.003+08:00

I just got back home....

I started my journey at 4 pm... planned to go after midnite tho.
As I started to warm up the engine, the sky suddenly had a nervous breakdown and cried a river. I could only see about 3 meters in front.

The highway was okay up until Kulai, where cars started to slow down and from 120, I went on 80. It was hard driving in the rain. As I was listening to Jules and Prem chatters, the car in front suddenly stepped on the brakes. In split second, I stepped on mine, but the car still moves on 80. In trying hard to get frictions, I turn the wheels left and right, much to my surprise, the tyres were still going straight! I didnt want to pull the handbrake coz the car will swerve to the side and might get hit by the cars from the next lane... But, as the car in front was nearing, I decided to pull it. However, the car managed to stop before I pull it, an inch or two from the car in front. The atmosphere of safety didnt arrived yet as the cars behind me were speeding too and tried to stop too.. But they managed to get to the slow lane and yeah, I'm saved. Again by the little green Kelisa. Slowly, I went to the slow lane and my left leg couldnt help but to shake every time I place it on the clutch pedal. Took an hour or so to calm it down.

But driving in the slow lane sucks. Lorries were driving fast on the emergency lane, almost hit me twice, and yeah, old rich farts in their BMW and Benz did that too! Curse u and ur wealth!

Just look at that! And yeah, the lorry was on the emergency lane too! Before I showered him with my uber annoying honking! ^_^

I RnR-ed at Machap before continuing the journey and thank god the journey was smooth after Pagoh.

Seriously, the Singaporean drivers were good, better than Malaysian drivers.

haish.

On a side note, I've been trying to solve this sudoku puzzle for weeks.
Wanna have a go at it?
Lemme look at the pic of the solved ones once ur done yeah?

p/s: I know, taking pictures while driving is dangerous.. but the car wasnt moving at the time... ^_^

How I wish

2009-09-11T09:54:00.004+08:00

How I wish I have the courage to rap and to make music. And maybe the talent too.
U see I got jealous of this guy who is younger 2 years from me, called Caprice. He has his own recording company and a studio!

He started to write poems first and then moved on to be on the level with Joe Flizzow and Malique. Seriously, none other Malaysian rappers could go on the same level with them 2 after Too Phat.. Well, Ahli Fiqir wouldnt count wont they coz they're mixed nationalities.

Anyway, try to find or google Fantasy Girl by Caprice, u'll understand what I mean. Its just so international type of piece. Caprice my man, respect!

oh yeah, he's into Eminem too..

check out this link:
http://www.youtube.com/capricetv/

She’s a star in every scene,
Nothing ever gets between us,
My Fantasy Girl (come play with me)
Dancing to me in her janes,
Nothing ever gets between us,
My Fantasy Girl (come play with me)

Deja Vu

2009-08-26T20:42:00.004+08:00

Album cover stolen from wiki.

Been 5 years since Encore. And now Eminem released Relapse, which the single 'We Made You' is album-ed. Pardon my language. ^_^

But as usual, everytime I bought a CD, I will most likely love the song that might not be released as a single. Likewise, in this album, Deja Vu, and Beautiful caught my ears. ^_^

I bought all Eminem only albums available in Malaysia and yeah, listening to them inspires me to rhyme more. Even though I listen and downloaded songs onto my lappy, only Eminem's and Evanescence's that I will buy. Dunno why, don't ask me. ^_^

Try to look for the songs I mentioned and u'll understand why I like these songs.

When Eton wakes up...

2009-08-24T15:14:00.003+08:00

Eton has improved her ways of sleep. She now prefer a company (namely me), a bed (or whatever more comfy than marble tiles) and yeah, a blanket. As of late, I'd often wakes up to her snoozing next to me every morning, that is if she did not wakes me up first with her constant nags.

Just look at those sleepy eyes... I woke her up just to get revenge!
And she'll nags at me again, in return.

Well, if we're back in Seremban, she'll prefer this little penthouse of hers.

That is, if she couldnt get a share of my blanket.

Crush

2009-08-16T23:07:00.001+08:00

U know, we all had at least 1 teacher we had a crush on...

Being a teacher, u can't help but to be one.
My kids, mostly 9, they're really a fun lot!
At least 1 or 2 from each Year 3 class has shown, in some manner, that they have a crush on me.

The easiest is being jealous when I talk to their rival in class.

Some gave me long stare, and when I noticed it, they returned it with their sweetest smile.

But some, they compete for my attention by giving me chocs, as the ones shown above. They will try to give me more expensive choc or lollies than their rival's and its been going on for weeks now. I always got chocs everyday, the cheapest is Apollo. ^_^

But, one girl gave me a couple of seashells that's really perfect, no flaw or scratch whatsoever. And even though the shells are quite small, you can hear the sound of the ocean from each of it. I wonder where did she got them shells.

I guess this is the joy of being a single guy teacher eh?

lol

That Little Boy

2009-08-11T22:26:00.005+08:00

You'll never know that little boy,
His eyes bright,
his teeth white.
He's having fun,
taking everything delight.
He's dark and plump
and he ain't Forrest Gump.
That little boy had only seen nine
yet to him everything seems fine.
Tantrum he throws, laughter he shows
and bits by bits he grows.

Changed he did, that little boy,
When a person precious was taken.
He got down, he got up
His current mood, you better not be mistaken.
His shirt got marks, patches and spots,
All came from his own sweaty dots.
And dirt, smudge and stain too
And he knows that there wont be anyone he wants to sue.

Riding his bicycle with his little brother chasing after
So he stopped, and wait and tried to be a big brother.
It was a teary scene to look at
More teary than a stuck and dead bat.
Wait until you see his house floor
A squatter with a gate made from bathroom doors.

It was raining one day
I gave him a cap to play
And gave the lil bro a ride back home
just to see how he waited
and waited for the lil guy, alone.
What he lacks in his life is a figure of maternal
but his love for his little brother, eternal.
That little boy doesn't care
about shirts, shorts and fair.
All he knows is his innocence
and taking care of his little partner, he is competence.

And what I wrote here is true
And I hope you can see his life too
How he became older than he should be
More than an adult that you could see
I guess from the heaven the mother, behind the clouds
Watching over that little boy, proud.

Battle Stations

2009-08-09T02:11:00.001+08:00

Got a sweet revenge by a fellow clan member.

This Black Beary guy had been sniping me to death.....

Watch the sweet revenge here.

Humanity

2009-08-07T22:14:00.004+08:00

The pic above was stolen without permission here.

Its an irony when humans lost their value in humanity.

As of the 7th of August 2008, 8:00 am, there are 15 death cases reported. Yeah, everyday, the death toll due to the swine flu keeps on increasing. Okay, lets not look at the death toll. Look at the reported cases, which is 1525. Do we know that there are a lot of other cases classified as A(H1N1) suspects that were not recorded? Let us think, among those 15 deaths, how many that it were verified of the swine flu after the death?

There's the prologue. And for the content, let us talk about my adventure of being the head of the teachers-on-duty this week. One of the chores that I had to do is to get the percentage of attendance for the afternoon session everyday this week. On Wednesday, about 43 pupils did not attend school due to fever, about 6 had to be sent back home. Thursday, 54 absentees from 340 afternoon session pupils and 5 had to be sent home. Today, 60 absentees and 1 had to be sent home. The numbers are increasing, and from a reliable sources, as of Tuesday, the average of attendance for this whole town is about 80% of pupils and students. The reason? Fever with A(H1N1) symptoms..

These kids were sent to the hospitals and clinics but were sent back home as their temperature were below 40 degrees. Their given prescriptions? Paracetamols and Panadols.

You see, the procedure is, if a kid is ill and is in the school, the school (the teacher on duty) will call the parents to pick up their kid. And if the parents couldn't do so, the teacher on duty had to send them back home, provided that they have someone to look after them at home.

What I am pissed about is how parents giving excuses such as buried in work, no transport and such to avoid the hassle of taking their kids home. More pissed I was when I made a call, the mum said she got no transport and the dad said he was outstation and I found out that both of them were at home (which is like 10 mins walk from school and no, I don't walk there, I drove there). More pissed I was when a dad said that work is more important than picking up his daughter. More pissed I was when some teachers kinda shot me with sarcastic remarks saying I'm pampering the parents by sending their kids home, due to them not being well to be in school. If I'm one of the kids, but one that can think, wouldn't I feel neglected, discovering that my parents and teachers couldn't care less for my well being? What will I become when I grows up? A person who has a great distrust issue?

Had a talk with a burger seller just now. He was wondering, why are those responsible did not take the right action. He was aiming at the ministry of health and the ministry of education. Ministry of health for the ways hospitals and clinics handle the Swine Flu cases, be it a confirmed case or not. He thought of how the MOE should consider the rising of absentees in schools and declare a state of emergency for schools. Kids do not understand much of adult world. They thought of A(H1N1) as a weird yet playful name. For them, its just those things mentioned in the TV. For them, the masks given (or sold to them) are just a tool to become a ninja in Konoha. Adults should take things seriously tbh. Do we need a death or two before we quarantine or close schools? Do we need the same number of deaths and reported cases before we declare a state of emergency? Do we should care about the politics, the ISA, the reformation, the street protests and other shits more than the life of our own future generations?

Go people, listen to the Black Eyed Peas' Where is the love. Think about how human we are. Go I beg you. Go.

Shit.

"People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love"

Think people, think. Are we humans? Or are we something lower than the characters in the picture at the top of this post?

Out.

Tagness from Izzy

2009-08-07T22:06:00.002+08:00

Nama : Nasrul Hadie

Nama Pangilan : Nas, Valen (by guild wars friends)

Tarikh lahir : 5th April

tempat lahir : Kuala Pilah

Status : Tired

Hobi : Internet, PSP, Manga

Makanan kegemaran : atm, homemade wraps

Minuman kegemaran : Twister Apple

Cita- cita : Actor? or maybe Writer?

pengalaman buruk : menyedari banyak pacat berkumpul dalam kasut semase kecik2 dulu, maka agak trauma bila jumpa pacat.

Pengalaman manis : afterglow of a post theater staging (the one that I'm involved in)

Perkara yang disukai : bile dapat duit

Perkara yang tak disukai : kene kaco mase tido

adakah anda berpuas hati dengan apa yang anda ada? : nope

Harapan : get the ball rolling

Erm, thats it Izzy, no piccas here, too lazy to take one..... just refer to the pics in previous posts

And today..

2009-07-25T21:53:00.002+08:00

It was a hectic day. Woke up at 7.30, had to be in school by 7.30... hahaha
Rushed to school for co curricular activities and stayed there until about 1.30... Head back home and discovered that I should get a haircut, thus the chance to see Jessie for the 3rd time.

But I went home to catch some sleep then woke up to Eton's pestering for me to play with her. So I did.

Well, went to the saloon, catched up with her, flirted with her and got rejected by her for the 3rd time. LOL

Her reason was that she's too old to bear me child. Well, funny thing is, I didn't expect to have a child with her. Well, she is like 10 years older than me. Ah well, its just that I enjoy having a chat with her once in a while and it will always end up me flirting with her, and she played along then rejected me.

Well, its one of the way for me to relax my mind. And making sure that the hair cutting session lively and not dull and boring.

I know it's a corny face, but bear with it... I'm alone at home and nobody to pose with.... so, yeah.. just wanna show you the hair of mine that never managed to be spiked or even stands.... ^_^
Tanx Jess!

Breaking the mirror

2009-07-21T08:57:00.000+08:00

When
a
mirror
breaks,
it still
reflects
us.
Showing
us
the
number
of
us
just
like
the
number
of
its
b - r - o - k - e - n
pieces.

In Silence

2009-07-21T08:55:00.000+08:00

When promises are broken
In silence
When the three years fade
In silence
When hope is lost
In silence
When dreams shattered
In silence
He wondered and pondered
In silence
And silently he walked off
In silence

I've decided....

2009-07-20T19:20:00.002+08:00

After numerous days of tense and agony, which won't be over soon, I've decided.

I've decided that I will start to write.

YES!

6 to 7 years ago, I decided to be a writer. And funny thing is, I didn't apply for any creative writing courses or even take any subjects available of said field. I even planned a lengthy fantasy genre starting 8 years ago. But I never got it through past the prologue. Well, it's still safe in my hands. This is to say, after years and years of holding it on, I'm going to start to write again, maybe not to continue what I left before, but a new different genre. Part biography, part fiction. I already outlined what I'm going to write. And truth be told I can't predict when will I finish it. But I will write.

And yeah, I'm in the middle of writing few rhymes. But nothing seems to be worthy of being published here yet. I need to touch em up over and over again.

Ah well, wish me luck. I need to publish something fast to get out of this weird system.

Eton

2009-07-10T21:01:00.001+08:00

Oooh!

I discovered Eton's dislikes! It's hug and bad smell! That includes durians'!!!

And she likes wet food, moving little objects and a room for herself equipped with a queen sized bed!

And I'm touched.

2009-07-06T19:36:00.002+08:00

For those who knew about my stint last week, they should know how deep the shit I'm in this week.

Well today, I went to school, and straight away head to the GB's room, expecting to be lectured for hours. And she didn't.

As I walked around the school getting my chores for the day completed, no one gave me a lecture, except for few stabbing glances.

But when I sat with my closest colleague, I was lectured for my stint last week. Not only that he gave me hard cold reasons why he did so and why I shouldn't have done that. Truth be told, I was not pissed off as I might usually do. But I was touched. Of all 60+ people working in the school, only 3 of them that I know who really cared for me. And yeah, they helped me, they helped me a lot.

Well, to some I might've acted immaturely but through this, I could see that my future is not in government schools and that there are few who that surpasses the colleague relationship even though they kept on saying things about being a family or what not.

Ah well, hope the light out there is bright enough.

I can see light

2009-07-06T11:13:00.002+08:00

Finally after numerous resume and CV sent, I got a call.

Kolej Lagenda in Mantin, one of the first institution that I applied to, gave me a call asking for further details on my application and explained that they might consider me despite my lack of Masters degree, as they are planning to do a foundation course.

Fingers crossed, prayers sent.

Do that for me too okay!

I really hope that I can be back in the land of my birth.

Let the music takes you away...

2009-06-30T23:41:00.004+08:00

As time flies, I had to go to Besut, leaving my work behind and yeah left an important document in the staffroom...
I even planned to arrive late at the meeting place.

Supposed to go at 8.30 the latest. And I arrived at 8.40...
And guess wut, I was the third to arrive out of 40 people.

Great, this is just great.

Even the GB arrived at around 9..... And the bus gets on the road nearly 9.40.....

Overall, I concur that this trip is a sad excuse for those female teachers (am sad to say, especially those from administrations) for a shopping trip without the bounds of their husbands. Oh yes, they enjoy Pasar Payang and Wakaf Che Yeh or sumtin (forgot the name) that one of them wasted like RM2k in one of those places alone! I've seen better and cheaper choices in Nilai 3.....

And yeah, the trip is originally meant to visit 2 schools. One school is in a teacher training institution in Terengganu. And the other is like a champion of the 3K contest. 3K stands for something like the clean and beautiful aspect of the school...

Okay, the first school doesn't entertain me much as the self proclaimed 'conducive learning environment' sounds too good to be true. The environment of the school, which is located inside the teacher training campus and half maintained by the campus, is nothing compared to those self proclaimed 'smart schools' in Putrajaya. And yeah, I've seen better. (Which refers back to the argument I had with the GB which she said I haven't seen enough. Well, I've seen better than that mam.

The second school did entertain me a bit. Well, for starters, GB said that this school is the best in the 3K thingy... Well, the school's GB in turn said, they lost to a school in Muar. The school in Muar, seems to me, is better as in the distance from JB and it's more beautiful than the one that we went to!

And yeah, if this is the most beautiful school in Malaysia, why do I think MRSM Balik Pulau is much more beautiful? Weird....

To add to that, there were about 8 male teachers. And 5 of them never slept whenever they stepped into the bus and they were laughing so loud that even the GB complained. Well, they cracked stupid sexual perverted jokes the whole trip and checking out chicks despite having a wife and kids waiting for each of them at home. Well, it's disgusting as their face is like second to a donkey! And they wolf-whistle girls. I'm really ashamed to be in the same profession as them.
And yeah, the stuff they talked about, I know more than them. It was so DISGUSTING to see these men in their thirties doing that. Maybe it is a disease that Malay men have. Well, not any Malay men, but those that didn't realize that they could not attract any lady with just their looks and charms.

So, to conclude, the trip is just a sad excuse for those who wanna be away from their husbands to waste thousands of precious money and for those who feels great pissing off other people.

Ah well, it's not only the bad things that I had during the weekend.

I met the bus driver again, and yeah he's friendly and agreed with me on lots of things. Such as how those male teachers were too noisy at around 2 am when people were sleeping and they were laughing soo loud that the drivers could hear them even though they sat at the last row of seats at the back of the bus.

Demm.

Ah yeah, I got to see beautiful orchids and eat lotsa prawns! ^_^

And I saw this funny sign in Kota Bharu hahahahaha IRONY!!!

Well, thank god the trip ended. And as a result? I got loads of unfinished work, three of my teeth are aching (got to see the dentist today and one had to be taken off tomorrow) and I got really out of my system due to some things... Hahaha, for those who knew, just keep a zip near to your lips lol.

And went to see Transformers yesterday which I think was overrated, no convincingly good storyline, no great finale battle and yeah, where the hell is Rodimus? I don't want to see those trying-to-be-cute-and-mute yellow Camaro! Seriously, Michael Bay needs to see how Star Wars builds up their climaxes and brought it into conclusions. The actions were great, but if its just the actions that is great, better off watching WWE.

And after that had some Banana Split despite my aching teeth.

And yeah, sorry to those who had to put up with my out-of-my-self yesterday hahaha.
Peace.
I'm out.

And it was a sweet dream...

2009-06-26T09:01:00.002+08:00

It has been about 3 months since he left us.
And I have been missing him since.
Who wouldn't?
That cheeky snobbish horny cat has always been my favourite among his siblings.
And I still remember how I was depressed and couldn't do anything else but sulk for 2 days and how I'm not motivated for weeks and how Eton tried to comfort me and herself by being a mix of herself and Shoel. And guess that personality is stuck with her.

And last night, after hours of not being able to shut my eyes, I fell into a deep sleep.

And there, He was there.
He was being his normal self there.
I can see his short and a bit crooked tail he had.
I can feel his fur.
And I can caress him, hug him and kiss him like I've always did before.
And there he was being cheeky.

And it feels good seeing him again after all of this.
I miss you boy.

And I guess I'm spent!

2009-06-25T22:51:00.003+08:00

Maybe the time is here.
The time I realized I'm not to be a government teacher.
The time I feel that I'm more suited to something else.
The more I look into it, the more I feel how fast I'm going to stagnate, just like those teacher we were warned not to be.

I feel like quitting now.
I am.
Maybe it's the weird system.
Maybe it's me.
Maybe it's how the people interpret it.
Maybe it's me.
Maybe it's just Malaysians, feeling good about a one time thingy.
Maybe it's just me.

People might wonder why does some people who spent years to study other stuff but in the end wanting to be a teacher. But me, I spent more than 5 years studying to be a teacher, not wanting to be one.

Don't get me wrong, I love teaching. But I hate being a 'SERVANT'. I hate being forced to do anything I don't feel like doing. Yeah I sound pampered. But that's me. Idk bout how ppl see me, as long as I have a happy life.

During my undergrad years, I was taught to change the system, bring the revolution to the system. Seems like the system sense this movement and decided to crush the seed before it manages to sprout a leaf.

Yeah, people might say this is a survival phase, whether I'm to survive it or not. I guess I will not survive. I'm choosing not to. I feel there's a calling for me. A greater calling for me out there.
Yeah.

Durian

2009-06-22T00:10:00.002+08:00

Tanx to Norzie, I get to eat my first durians this year! And it's for free!
Reminds me tho about those 2 years abroad and not eating this thorny fruit.
Reminds me too of last year, where we bought durians and each of the brothers got one!
Reminds me also of how Shoel ate durians. Funny Eton doesn't like it.

Talking of Eton, now, after school hols, every morning at 6.30 to 7, she will wake me up, just to make sure I put her food in the container. She won't eat it until around 9 or so. Weird girl.

And a public apology to both Najib and Soya for not attending their wedding. I just couldn't not get out of school that day and I promise I'll make it up to u both somehow.

The way it is now...

2009-06-16T19:22:00.002+08:00

It might seem trivial to others, but seriously, these are the things that made me hate my job.

1. I had to get out of school lots.

2. I am required to work on almost every Saturday.

3. I don't just teach, I do other stuff too.

4. Hypocritical environment. Colleagues just kept on showing their true self, one by one.

5. I'm forced to do this and that.

6. When I tried to be nice to the kids, I was put down for my effort.

7. When the results were not satisfying, they blame my incompetency, but they forgot the moment they forced me to go here and there and thus made me have only about a week of TnL session in a month, average.

8. I'm tired being the youngest.... Getting pushed to do this and that.

9. My health condition doesn't allow me to travel much, but the school doesn't agree with my health....

10. For this much of pay versus workload, I reckon I can get better by making Pide...

Seriously, am getting tired of this...

But one thing for sure, it's the kids' faces that made me stop when I'm about to write the resignation letter...

Is it worth it?

What a night

2009-06-15T08:04:00.000+08:00

Planned to do some work... but guess I passed out..... hahaha

I want a bath tub...

2009-06-14T13:50:00.001+08:00

Yes, I do!

Maybe a built in jacuzzi too....

I want to stay in the tub for hours and do stuff like play PSP or read books or pick my nose and stuff.

Will add some mind relaxing scent.

But then again, maybe I have to wait for like YEARS for it.....

I want a bath tub...

Can't remember who tagged me...

2009-06-13T20:45:00.000+08:00

Be honest no matter what, then tag at least fifteen friends.

01. Who was your last text from?
A girl...

02. Where was your default picture taken?
Metro building, Brisbane.

03. Your relationship status?
I'm flinging all around..

04. Have you ever lost a close friend?
Yeah..

05. What is your current mood?
Lazy

06. How many siblings do you have?
10 including me...

07. Whats your brother(s)/sister(s) names?
Azlina, Faiz, Farhan, Shaakira, Ameera, Naadira, Arief, Fatin, Alia

08. Where do you wish you were right now?
On a couch, cuddling with a hote cute chick!

09. Have a crazy side?
Wanna see all 3 of em or just one?

10. Ever had a near death experience?
Numerous

11. Something you do a lot?
Smoke

12. Angry at anyone?
Yeah

13. What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
Myself?

14. When was the last time you cried?
I think it was the 30th of May...

15. Is there anyone you would do anything for?
Those who cared for me...

16. What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
Erm, how to get a sugar mummy? A hot one at that.

17. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
This house agent... wanna move to a cheaper house...

18. What is your favorite song?
Atm? After Midnight by Yuna

19. What are you doing right now?
Streaming Manga

20. Who do you trust right now?
Some people...

21. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
Giant hahaha

22. Have you kissed someone in the past week?
Ah, yeah, there's this girl.... One of my nieces I guess..

23. Who is your friend that lives closest to you?
Guna?

24. Describe your life in one word?
Boring...

25. Who are you thinking of right now?
Her.

26. What should you be doing right now?
School stuff and cooking and forms filling and sleep?

27. What are you listening to?
Lacuna Coil

28. Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
Her............

29. Who was the last person who yelled at you?
Mum.

30. Do you act differently around the person you like?
Nope.

31. What is your natural hair color?
Black with shades of dark brown...

32. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Onizuka

33. Who was the last person to make you sad?
Grave of the Fireflies...

34. What do you hear?
The nearby construction...

35. Is your hair curly or straight?
Wavy... and there's this one hot chick in a saloon, who gave me her number... and she said I should straighten some parts of my hair...

36. Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
Nope

37. Do you have a best friend?
Yeah I guess..

38. Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
Yeah~

39. Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
^_^

40. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Erm, I did took off my clothes in a car while driving once...

41. Are you happy with life right now?
I'm bored with life...

42. Are you currently jealous?
I guess so.

43. What jewelry are you currently wearing?
This beads given to me by a monk...

44. What were you doing on friday night?
Chill out in the house?

45. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Duh...

46. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Hell yeah I did!

47. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
Not sure.. Oh yeah there's a couple of em!

48. What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
Blood test and reexamining my body, as I was a Dengue and Swine flu suspect... And yeah, I got thorns in my flesh, asked the doc to take it out...

49. How late did you stay up last night and why?
5.30 am? Streaming manga...

50. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Uhuh

Trust

2009-06-11T23:46:00.003+08:00

Why men can't be trusted?

Recent encounters with lotsa people's probs made me wonder...
Do men really cant be trusted?
I know I cant trust my self to answer that question on behalf of men...

There are good men, there evil men and there are a mixed of both, more like to mixes... One not knowing what they are doing and the other do stuff knowingly...

But, I still wonder...

Any thoughts?

Every steps

2009-06-09T21:20:00.002+08:00

I guess every step I take I would hurt some one.
I guess every move I make I would kill an emotion.
I guess every breath I breathe I would be a mistake for me.
I guess every finger I twitch I would poke into other hearts deeply.

And I know, every time I try to correct my wrongs, there will always be some thing wrong with it.

And when I try to burn my self for others, I'd be shunned by another.

And I guess there's no end to it.

Maybe I hope too much.

Maybe I want too much.

When some one told me to stay in the jungle with the apes years ago, I thought it's pretty lame.

But when I reflect, I guess there's good in doing that.

Coz when I hurt others, those that matters to me, I'm deeply hurt too.

Better off being with apes rite?

I AM SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(T_T)

It's the 7th of June, 2009

2009-06-07T21:42:00.006+08:00

It was about 6 months ago when this date was chosen for me to be crowned 'a husband'. It was about 6 months ago when I decided this is when my single life ended.
It was about 6 months ago when I thought I'd be spared from another heartbreak.

And today, nothing happened in my life, accept the fact that I spent my day babysitting a family member...

It was a fun journey with her, it was hell too.
I love her, I love her family and I still do.

But when a single incident, too small that can be forgotten, fanned by an individual that possess a dark heart, the small spark became a bush fire.

I still remember the moments when I was called up.
I still remember when my words were shunned.
I still remember those 4 hours where I was accused of nothing I've done.
I still remember how they ridiculed my job.
I still remember when she said those words, the words that slipped from my lips.
I still remember the rage I had then, for I can't be caged.
I still remember the rudeness that I had.
I still remember their faces that night.
I still remember how my mum couldn't tell me off for my behavior.
I still remember those pitiful eyes a mum can gave me as I drove back in madness.
I still remember the calls I made, to calm myself.
I still remember my egoistic nature that I suppressed.
I still remember when I decided that it won't happen, even if it does, it won't go well.
And I still remember how much I love her then.
And now.
As much as how I felt about her family since then.

I do love her.
And I do love her family.
As much as I hate them now.

I do miss her.
As I do miss the warmth I get from her family.
As much as I hate them now.

And it is hard, not talking to her. Even though it is what I decided to do, after a counsel.

And yeah, maybe it is revenge, maybe it is not.
Maybe it is some sort of a rebound, maybe it is not.
Maybe they wished for it, maybe not, maybe yes.
Maybe they had hoped for it, maybe not, maybe yes.

But I do know, deep inside, if there's any way for her to leave her family, for them to leave us alone, things might work.

And I do know that I still loves her.

Mood: Somber
Song: After Midnight - Yuna
Actions: Smoke

Am I single?

2009-06-07T10:32:00.004+08:00

tagged by izzy. sorry for the lateness..

this survey is ONLY for those who are SINGLE.
answer the questions HONESTLY and tag 7 of your SINGLE FRIENDS.

1. Are you single?
- I guess so~

2. How long have you been single?
- 2 or 3 or 4 months?

3. How many exes do you have?
- more than 7? Lost count! *sorry~*

4. Whose fault when you guys broke up?
- we are the victims of the consequences!!!!! ROFL

5. If your ex want to get together again, what will your answer be?
- IDK, if I want to get together again, I'd work for it~

6. Are you seeing anybody now?
- I'm seeing lotsa ppl atm... But it's whether they are seeing me now... Irony?

7. What are 3 qualities you want to find most in your future gf/bf?
- Kinky in bed, sexy and knows how to lap dance? lol yeah rite, it's the normal typical qualities that normal ppl wants... What do you want?

8. What turns you on and off for a girl/guy?
- Long straight silky hair, wearing satin nightgown... Hate seeing no face but lotsa attitude kinda girl...

9. What will be your comment on your past relationship and future?
- It's just a fragment in the flow of time, if it meant to be, it's meant to be. But along the way, the memories created together with her(s) {notice the 's'} are precious to me and will stay for the rest of my days....

10. What will you say to your future gf/bf?
- Hey sexy! *grabs her ass* LMAO

who else is still single? cis.
- You! Yes you who is single and you who is not but single at heart!

p/s: cant find any that's single... seems like everyone is owned~ hahaha I'm left behind...

*Edited*
I tag:
1. Guna
2. Guna
3. Guna
4. Guna
5. Guna
6. Guna
7. Guna
8. Guna
9. Guna
10. And yeah, Guna

When they want it but afraid to admit it...

2009-06-06T21:01:00.009+08:00

I guess it's this thing called ego.
I admit my egoistic nature do pisses off lotsa ppl every now and then. And yeah, it pisses off me too when I'm in one of those reflecting session. But sometimes, I do know my limits. Yeah, knowing anything doesn't mean I'm doing something about it.

But, when people try to force their minds into you, their words into you, their actions into you, my ego would be my greatest shield, my strongest armor. I might be gullible at times, but there are things I'd think through, sometimes it would take months. And in the process, I'll hurt others like nobody business! But when people force me into their way, respect for them will be lost. No matter how they'd apologize or no matter how they tried to make up for it, it'll take me time to forget about it, sometime years.

***

A good friend of mine got a call.
A call to ask his help to persuade me.
It's either they are playing dirty or they just want to make up for it.
No matter how strong my feelings for the idea, it is as strong as how I'm against it.
Call me egoistic, but that's how I protect my self when I dun have anyone to depend on.

I'm thinking, procrastinating, weighing, waiting, and having a dilemma.
I guess I should find what strength I have left to go on.
Just when you need a battery and none is available.

I might look for a foreign charger.

I'm spent of this kind stuff.
But since this is what they want, I'm giving it to them 3 folds!

A little kitten

2009-06-06T20:50:00.004+08:00

There's a little kitten
on a road, in a suburb.
It was lost,
and hungry and cold.
Longing for a shelter
from the cruel rain,
from the cruel denizen.
It went from a house to another
just to get shooed and broomed altogether.
A kind lady took her in once.
But got kicked out when
the rest of the house whine.
It went all over,
just to look for a shelter.
Saw another got sold,
in a pet shop in the suburb.
Funny it thought
why does people buy its kind
when it doesn't have any shelter to find.
And the little kitten kept on strolling
as long as it has this thing called living.

6/6/2009

And I lost count.

2009-06-06T20:06:00.005+08:00

And I lost count
On how many things that
I want to pen down
On how many places that
I forgot to go around
On how many people that
I made them frown.

And I lost sight
Of the things that
I aimed for
Of the stuff that
I looked for
Of the people that
I should go for.

And I lost confidence
In my own abilities
In my own capabilities
In my own prophecies
In my own destinies.

But I know
That I would go on
That I would fight on
That I would stand up
That I would not give up
For what I believe
And for those that know
of what I want to achieve.

6/6/2009

And today is the day!

2009-05-30T21:19:00.002+08:00

It was the graduation day today for the Malaysian Teacher Training Institute International Languages Campus, formerly known as International Languages Teacher Training Institute.

Us Cohort 2 had the chance to feel proud of what we have done since June 2003 up until December 2008. We went through ups and downs, left and right, light side and dark side and all other stuff life as a student has to offer. And those became such precious memories.

Bonds were forged and broken and repaired that some would last an eternity.

And today, it's a happy day. It's a sad day. It's the day. The day where finally we were officially left the college. Where we officially became free of it. Yet, truth be told, we wont.

I met my brothers there on the Friday morning, having breakfast together with about half of them. It was a great time, catching up, bitching, smoking and laughing at old times and school experiences. And we had fun watching movies, being late for a briefing in the college ONE LAST TIME, and staying up late talking and having trouble waking up for the DAY.

The ceremony went smoothly and there's couple of times where I felt like I could not hold my tears. The songs that were sang to us, well, some of it, were indeed brought back lots of thoughts and memories of the years spent together with the brothers. And of course Fatima Anne's speech was marvelous! I was really touched by her choice of words, how she described our journey as a cohort, how she thanked the people that had shaped us into who we are and how she managed to have my eyes flooded.

Seeing old faces of seniors, lecturers, juniors and yeah, my sisters, gave me a wonderful feeling and yet it was heart breaking.

I had to left early for JB.
I had to left early for work.
I had to left early and miss the chance to take pictures with the brothers, one final time in IPBA, with all being present.
I had to left early and miss the chance to stay longer with everyone.
I had to left early from the moment of spending time those that matters to me, knowing that I might not see them again soon or forever.

* * *

As I drove back to JB, doing 140, tears rolled down my cheeks. I already miss them. I miss them a lot! And I miss the chance to spend (might be) the last time we had dinner together. I miss the chance to properly say good byes to each one of them. Shit. I can't take this anymore.

I'm out.

I am a teacher...

2009-05-25T20:07:00.004+08:00

Yet the title is an irony..

A teacher is a human.

Teacher comes from the word teach. The person who teach is a teacher.

I chose to be a teacher coz I thought ( 6 years ago or so) it'd be an easy going life, and plenty of time for me to write. I chose to be a teacher coz i like kids.

But, I didn't chose to be a teacher to be a pawn. To be a machine. If I wanna be a pawn, I'll work on a chessboard. If I wanna be a machine, there's more than enough in factories everywhere...

When the letter came and I was appointed assistant coach for under 12 volleyball team, I looked at the date. I immediately was taken aback. The date states that right after the midyear exam I'm to coach the team. And my boss said, go but make sure you prepare the hols homework for kids, you fin marking and do the post mortem and item analysis. I was like, HELL!! (said to myself tho). Ppl kept on saying that, u're lucky, usualy its hard to be in the JPN when even if you have worked 2 years... And I got it after 5 months of being an unconfirmed teacher.... But, because of some state's glory, some higher ups' attitude, some bureaucracies, I have to neglect my kids, my 120 kids who needs learning, attention and love. I have divert my attentions to 12 kids. Only. I have to leave my work (yet I still have to do it). I have to damage my newly recovered body after a month long of being unwell.

Funny thing is, on the first day, the vice director was having lunch with us ( due to some ass kissing of some people) and I tried to have a conversation with that guy, as he asked me stuff, but I was silenced by some ass kissing people.... It would be rude, they say. Alrite, when people ask you question, you answer rite? It's not rude rite?

WTF is wrong with the education system????!!!!!!!!!!!

Shit!

The picture above is the image of my left hand, on Saturday... On Friday afternoon, while coaching, I accidentally brushed my hands against a tree, without knowing it's full of thorns....

I got 4 thorns in my flesh, which 1 I managed to pull out. But the other three, I couldn't. And I thought it would come out on its own... But, I was wrong, it got worse, it deepens on their own. My hand was swelling, and itchy. On Saturday I went to the clinic (again, didn't have time for queuing at the government hospital) to take it out. With little money, I said to the doc, I just have this amount of money, could you make it less than the normal price? LOL I was actually bargaining with a doctor for a treatment fee...

And the nice lady doc asked for a needle, a gauze, a tissue paper and a cotton ball. She practically scratch my flesh out in three places, with blood oozing, and using some sort of tweezers to take out the thorns.... Without giving me any sedative... The 30 minutes operation was hell!!!! And turns out to be on of the thorn punctured my blood vessels... But in the end, the 3 5mm long thorns were out and I'm safe...

Well, no sedative for a bargain price operation!

Anyway, hope tomorrow is a better day....

p/s: do meh bout any mistakes in the post... Damn tired...

The Story of A Chef...

2009-05-18T18:14:00.002+08:00

And the last time I woke up was at 6 p.m. yesterday. And haven't slept since. Was preparing for the cooking competition for T's Day celebration.
And I went to school, not feeling well from the fever and the groggy-ness of lack of sleep. And there, as a male teacher, have to move tables, speakers, podiums, and stuff. And looking how the teachers in charge of documentation took pictures using their mobile phones, I volunteered my self and brandish my old buddy. And for about 7 hours I was snapping away, 'cept during I was readying the foods for the competition.
The menu was:

Garden Salad - Lettuce with capsicums (3 colours), tomatoes, onions, chicken nuggets, carrots and avocados (all either chopped or diced), served with a mix of mayonnaise and fresh orange juice, drizzled with lemon juice.

Brunch Sandwich - Buns, chicken patties, sunny side up egg, grilled tomatoes, shredded lettuce and carrots, and sour cream (I guess, made from yogurt and lemon juice).

Penne Shrimp Alfredo - Penne pasta with Alfredo, and garlic butter prawns.

Banana Berry Shake - Strawberries and bananas sliced, mixed with vanilla yogurt, orange juice and pineapple juice.

The verdict, I was placed last. Lotsa teachers commented that I should get first as the other teams did not go with the theme 'Western Food'. Where can you find pasta served with fish crackers? Fusion restaurant maybe?
And yeah, some commented our booth was not appealing enough? Appealing like wearing Saree-like costumes? How does Saree goes into the theme?
Or just because some of them cut out the inside of a melon and insert some cubed pineapples and nata de coco, they get higher points? Erm, hello, the theme is Western Food, not Tropical delicacies or Tropical desserts....

I am down tbh coz of that. But as usual, the kids cheer me up!
Teacher Nasrul becames Chef Nasrul as they said. ^_^

And serious thanks to Muslimatun, Miftahul, Athirah Liyana, Elviera, Rishmitaa, Farah, Aimiey, Aiman Safwan, Ilmi and several others. U made my day! ^_^

p/s: I went to the hospital today to check up on my condition. First, I'm a H1N1 suspect as I have the symptoms, then they changed it to a Dengue suspect. And from the blood test, the doc said that my blood platelets are quite low but near the borderline, so I might have dengue... BUT, since my water percentage in my blood is low too (which is ridiculous as I've been eating water and pissing lots!! So, they made an appointment for me tomorrow morning to again check my blood. Ah, the waiting~ Just loving it!

Announcement

2009-05-17T20:50:00.000+08:00

I wanna say I'm sorry to all, for everything, for anything...

Cheers

Tagness...

2009-05-13T23:30:00.003+08:00

Tagged by Izzy and supposed to tell 10 things about me.....

Ok, here goes...

1. I live with Shadow.... just the two of us.
2. I go to school not to work, but to see the kids' faces...
3. Even though I have a queen sized bed, and three bedrooms, I sleep on a comforter in the living room.
4. I have to sacrifice 1 week of hols for the PPDJB and 1 week of hols for the school.. (basically, no mid year hols fer me)
5. I haven't eaten properly since April, and kept on getting Dengue symptoms...
6. I hate Mondays.
7. I miss the bros.
8. Am supposed to get married this mid year hols but......
9. I have a TV but does not have an antenna.
10. I'll be representing the green house in the Western Food competition for the Teachers' Day celebration on the 18th of May. (There's 4 dishes and I have to think the most creative and delicious dishes).

Done.
Now I tag Mien, Jessica, Izyan, Sis Julie, Norzie, Seng Chee, Pame, Shim, Guna and Yuen..

I'm off fer now, gotta send my cousin to the airport early morn tomorrow....
niteys!

Dreams

2009-05-13T09:11:00.002+08:00

Dreams bring you grins, laughs, hope, despair, tears, fear, and all emotions you could imagine.

But we know they are just dreams.

And its been a while since I dream of something during my slumber.

And last night was full of emotions.

Yet, I wonder when I'll be a magical dreamer again.

As it's hard for me to dream now.

And it's starting...

2009-05-11T20:21:00.002+08:00

Today, as I was on my weekly grocery shopping at Giant Leisure Mall, I got a call...

The call was to inform me that I need to go to Kelantan from the 1st till the 7th of June, to escort Johor's MSSM Volleyball teams.

And from the 22nd till the 30th of May, I'll be going for the training camp for the team.

It's like what I've been waiting for, one of my tickets to the higher level.

The catch is that there's exam on the 22nd and there's Cross Country on the 28th (I'm needed for my pictorial skill) and my convocation is on the 30th........... and it's when I get to meet my brothers...

Looks like I need to talk with my GB and hopefully she could do something that will help me in any way. I mean, items analysis, post mortem and stuff will be needed to attend to and how could I do that if I'm away. And plus, there's a rumor that my school will call the teachers to start working on the 8th until the 12th of June...

There goes my holiday~ The much awaited holiday....................................

'Saya yang menurut perintah' anyone?

p/s: I think, if I'd refuse, it'll b'coz of wanting to have a great time with my brothers.... I might be using the school's work as an excuse, but when is the chance that we cud meet again? Then again, If I don't go for the MSSM, I might lose a chance, big chance!!!

Damn.

And it is a new week....

2009-05-11T09:18:00.002+08:00

And I hate Mondays!
It's when I'm alone, again.
It's when I realize that there are tonnes work to be done.

But I love Mondays too!
As I could see the kids today!
Even though I'll be thrown into the fray.

And I just realized that
I had a performance to get
ready for Teacher's Day.

I dont know, maybe
I'd read them a poem you see.
But see if I can write
anything without much a fight.

Work work

2009-05-09T18:32:00.005+08:00

Alrite mien, here's the tag u requested!

This is more fun if you haven’t cleaned up your workspace in AGES. XD

1. IMMEDIATELY take a picture of your workspace. DO NOT ADJUST OR MOVE ANYTHING. Where’s the fun in that? Lol.
2. Find at least 5 things on your table that you think needs some explaining. (Like an object that isn’t supposed to be there).
3. Explain those items.
4. Tag your friends, or whoever that you feel has nothing better to do. Lol. Especially tag those who haven’t updated their blog in ages. Bagi inisiatif la konon ni. XD.

1.
IMMEDIATELY take a picture of your workspace. DO NOT ADJUST OR MOVE ANYTHING. Where’s the fun in that? Lol.

2. Find at least 5 things on your table that you think needs some explaining. (Like an object that isn’t supposed to be there).

3. Explain those items.

okay, Item 1 is a bunch of nice printed erasers that I confiscated from the kids... wrapped in an old news paper...

Item 2 is some random people's bread and they left it on my table. Too bad for that person as I ate it... Dun want a bread go to waste rite?

Item 3 and 4 are flags.... Teachers just chuck all the flags they have on my table... maybe they want to instill the patriotism in me... by putting all the flags under table... yeah...

Item 5, if u look carefully, its a tip of a 2 liters bottle... apparently one of my desk mate is involved with MLM and he sells bio water... and yes, lotsa empty bottles and he just hides them under the drawers. And yeah, I share my desk with two other teachers...

4. Tag your friends, or whoever that you feel has nothing better to do. Lol. Especially tag those who haven’t updated their blog in ages. Bagi inisiatif la konon ni. XD.

I tag

Guna
Shim
Jarod
Sawi
And you

P/s: I watched Star Trek and believe me, about 60-70% of the audience are nerds and geeks with thick glasses..............................................

The day of Thurs....

2009-05-07T21:20:00.002+08:00

And I woke up too early, despite coming back at 3 am last nite, seeing stuff for experience..... And I learned a lot!

But, had to rushed doing item analysis, and went to school early for panel meeting, much to my dismay when the Exam secretary told us we do not need the post-mortem and analysis for the recent test...... But the meeting was getting all the heat when two senior teachers were fighting for some lame issue... and i left... hahaha am too tired coz of last nite~

And since I didn't have a clue about one of the terms in the P.E. curriculum spec, I just did an impromptu aerobics without music and some tai chi moves... Some pedestrian walking by the school's fence were frowning, I thought they might think something like "do they teach Tai Chi in school now?" lol

Ah well, I need to loose my head off tonite... early day tomorrow, had to be at school by 11 for a meeting.....

<_<

p/s: Mien, I'll do the tag stuff later coz i dun have a pic of my workplace....

It was hot and super humid!

2009-05-05T23:39:00.002+08:00

Yes it was!!

^_^

Am getting darker.

Maybe I should put on some banana boat....

And I left my bag at school, realized it about 1 and half hours after school ended.... Rushed back to school to fetch my precious RM 2 Czip Lee environmental bag with its innards. LOL

I need a break...

This week's chores: Item analysis and postmortem for 4 classes.
This weekend's chores: Clean up the house and setting the paper for mid year exam...
Next week's chores: Validating the exam paper and Sukaneka's final practices as well as the real thing on Friday.

This weekend's expectation: Seeing some of the guys at my place!

Unsolved mystery: About 3 weeks ago, someone claimed he's from CIMB called the school and asked my details, my pay, my DGXX(substitute X with numbers) and other stuff. One of the admins answered the phone and corrected that I'm still DCXX not DGXX and when she asked the guy the purpose of the call, he hung up. She told me about it saying that usually if the bank called, it's about approving the loan I made. Thing is, I never applied for a loan for anything, 'cept from my mum. And she added that it's fishy for the guy to ask about my DGXX when banks would not do that and yeah, the fact he hung up when she asked the purpose of his call. And, according to her, the background noise is not of an office or a bank environment, it's of different type of place...

Is some guy stalking me?
Is someone looking for me?
Is somebody planning to do something to me?

I hope I still have Michael around...

Life is getting weirder.....

p/s: my mum said usually some banks would do a random ID check for info updating, but it's still fishy with the fact that he hung up.

And it's cloudy..

2009-05-04T20:28:00.002+08:00

I do not understand, why do I feel so down, so empty at school today. Is it coz of the workloads that has been piling up as I was away from school for almost the whole of April?

Or is it coz of the cloudy day, despite of what I had hoped for yesterday?

Is something happening to one of me?

Is something happening somewhere far away and it is connected to me?

Or is it coz of I just realized that I could not claim my traveling expenses for late March and the whole of April since tomorrow is already the 5th and the clerks refuse to do it?

Or is it this fever that just could not leave me alone?

Or is it this migraine? That it's so bad that the doc had prescribed me some unusual medication?

Or is it that I miss my laid back self back then?

*sigh*

One thing I look forward to tomorrow is to see my once-in-a-while pupil to come to school tomorrow so that I could reward him a Ben 10 card...

Am I becoming stagnant?

Tanx

2009-05-03T23:30:00.001+08:00

Tanx bunch for cheering me up. I could see how hard u tried. And u did a good job. Realy appreciate it. Tanx!

RC Drift car, Guna and Eton

2009-05-03T21:43:00.004+08:00

And when I saw this toy at www.thinkgeek.com I said to myself, I definitely want to have this! I know, it's the lil boy in me. But it's hard to get it. And luckily a shop in Berjaya Times Square sell this thing and I bought it! U have to assemble it like a Tamiya racing car. So yeah.

And just want to show a pic of Guna with a pink pail...

And Eton too.

She just love my cereal leftovers, milk is good for her teeth n bones u know.

lol

and watch this.

hehe

and I bought this scratching post and it cost me nearly RM180. Tanx to Guna and Star for assembling it. But it breaks my heart when she ignores it. lol
ah well, the decoration value is there.

Sucker

2009-05-03T19:42:00.002+08:00

I suck at times when I was left alone. Arrived from Seremban around 4 and there were Shim, Guna, Star and Kit. We chatted for few minutes before Kit has to go back to Kluang. And then, the boys, too, left.

And I'm alone.

They asked me stuff and I told them I'm okay with it and somehow they might have been convinced by my strong willed face.

But I guess I'm not.

And it feels lonely.

Hope tomorrow is a bright new day.

Em, I shud be sleeping considering my current condition...

2009-05-01T03:04:00.002+08:00

Anyway, I've been tagged by Sayda.... Well, it's the first tag stuff I did...

1. How old are you?
24

2. Are you single?
There's only one me.... each individual is single.....

3. At what age do you think you’ll get married?
Based on a survey, between 25-34....

4. Do you think you’ll be marrying the person you are with now?
Who knows~

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
I wanna marry this girl...

6. Who will be your bridesmaid & bestman?
A best friend or all of the C2 boys being my bestmen!

7. Do you want a garden/beach or traditional wedding?
I want a Japanese wedding

8. Where do you plan to go on honeymoon?
Where I could spend about 6 months without thinking of school!

9. How many guests do you think you’ll invite?
Just close frens

10.Will that include your exes?
Yeah, if they don't mind

11.How many layers of cake do you want?
Erm, I dun mind as long as it's choc cake!!!!!!!

12.When do you want to get married, morning or evening?
The reception must be in the morning..... So there's more sexy time for me after lunch until the morning of the next day! YEAH!!

13.Name the song/tune you’d like to play at your wedding.
Boom Boom Pow by Black Eye Peas? Maybe some Lacuna Coil or Evanescence

14.Do you prefer fine dining or just normal spoon & fork/knife?
How bout chopsticks?

15.Champagne or red wine?
Yang penting bukan air sirap! Boring la...

16.Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
Starts rite after the last guest left the reception!

17.Money or household items?
Household

18.How many kids would you like to have?
A pair of twins

19.Will you record your honeymoon in DVD/CD?Pictures?
Well, I'm afraid that some one might distribute my honeymoon DVD... ehem!

20. Whose wedding plan would you like to know next?
1. Mien
2. Norzie
3. Guna? lol
4. Trish?
5. Tasha
6. Izzy
7. Izyan
Well, yeah...

What I discovered yesterday...

2009-04-26T11:00:00.003+08:00

It was Saturday noon, after extra curricular activities at school. Hairy asked me if I want to go to a place where I could relax. Having plans canceled, I said Yes! We went to a place where I could meet goats, chickens, cute puppies and ghosts. There's people there, friendly people. Among them is this one old man that I know. I knew him as being hot tempered, unpredictable and one of the first person who had worked in the school since it was opened in 1983.

We all had a great talk, laughs, barbecue (roasted lamb thigh, marinated with turmeric, salt, garlic, lemongrass and oil) and some motivational talk as well as the chance to meet the infamous 'Langsuir' or the Malay version of banshee. Too bad I couldn't see them anymore but I did sense a couple when I was there.

Anyway, what I discovered yesterday is that this old guy is a great human observer. He outlined my personalities one by one and he knew what I had in me even though I'm a bit held back when he's around....

And I guess I'm lucky.

I still could remember his advice: Just smile, problems are problems but just smile... you'll live longer...
I'm half sure about what he meant but yeah.
I had fun.

Next time, I'll bring my cam to have capture the beautiful scenery there. OMG! U could see stars as if it's summer!

p/s: I also discovered that I might have dengue fever or worst.... been having on off fever since 8 days ago. The red spots are also noticeable...

Kiss Me Thru The Phone

2009-04-24T03:46:00.003+08:00

Tried to Youtube the MV but seems like its not available for my country..... what a crap...

And TANX BUNCH Jarod! I forgot bout Musicjesus! MV is there but some how there's problem with HTML coding.... bummer...

Anyway, it's a decent song.

Kiss Me Thru The Phone
Soulja Boy Tell'em Ft Sammie

Baby, you know that I miss you,
I wanna get wit you tonight,
But I can't my baby girl,
And that's the issue,
Girl you know I miss you,
I just wanna kiss you,
But I can't right now,

So baby kiss me thru the phone
(Kiss me thru the phone),
I'll see you later on (later on),
Kiss me thru the phone,
(Kiss me thru the phone),
See you when I get home (I get home).

Baby I know that you like me,
Your my future wifey,
Soulja Boy Tell 'Em (yeah),
You can be my Bonne,
I can ya Clyde,
You can be my wife,
Text me, call me, I need you in my life,
Yeah, all that, everyday I need ya,
And everytime I see ya,
My feelings get deeper,
I miss you
I miss you
I really wanna kiss you but I can't....
6 7 8 triple 9 8 2 1 2

Baby, you know that I miss you,
I wanna get wit you tonight,
But I can't my baby girl,
And that's the issue,
Girl you know I miss you,
I just wanna kiss you,
But I can't right now,

So baby kiss me thru the phone
(Kiss me thru the phone),
I'll see you later on (later on),
Kiss me thru the phone,
(Kiss me thru the phone),
See you when I get home (I get home).

Baby, I been thinkin lately,
So much about you,
Everything about you,
I like it, I love it,
Kissing you in public,
Thinkin nothin of it,
Roses by the dozen,
Talkin on the phone,
Baby you so sexy,
Ya voice is so lovely,
I love ya complexion,
I miss ya,
I miss ya,
I miss ya,
I really wanna kiss you but I can't...
6 7 8 triple 9 8 2 1 2

Baby, you know that I miss you,
I wanna get wit you tonight,
But I can't my baby girl,
And that's the issue,
Girl you know I miss you,
I just wanna kiss you,
But I can't right now,

So baby kiss me thru the phone
(Kiss me thru the phone),
I'll see you later on (later on),
Kiss me thru the phone,
(Kiss me thru the phone),
See you when I get home (I get home).

She call my phone like,
Da da da da da da (x3),
We on the phone like,
Da da da da da da (x3),
We takin pix like,
Da da da da da da (x3),
She dial my number like,
Da da da da da da (x2),
6 7 8 triple 9 8 2 1 2

Baby, you know that I miss you,
I wanna get wit you tonight,
But I can't my baby girl,
And that's the issue,
Girl you know I miss you,
I just wanna kiss you,
But I can't right now,

So baby kiss me thru the phone
(Kiss me thru the phone),
I'll see you later on (later on),
Kiss me thru the phone,
(Kiss me thru the phone),
See you when I get home (I get home).

I love the lyrics. Enuff said.

p/s: Hey there Karma!

Tired

2009-04-23T22:02:00.001+08:00

When I miss you but I have to shower and was too tired that I fell asleep in front of the laptop rite after I switched it on about 2 hours ago...

^_^

I miss you..

Random

Announcing

2009-04-20T00:53:00.001+08:00

My wedding is moved to a later unknown date.
So, no anything on the 6th or 7th of June.
Well, yeah...

Dear God

2009-04-16T23:23:00.003+08:00

When someone told me this is her favorite song, I googled and wikied the song and look for the lyrics, as well as the band Avenged Sevenfold. It's written that this band is like the Lacuna Coil of US. But when I listen to their songs, they are more metal than Goth, unlike Lacuna Coil who's more gothic. But then again, this song is more country than metal or goth.

Anyway, I think I understand why she told me about the song and recommended it to me.

Dear God
Avenged Sevenfold

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
And all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
When hope begins to fade

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again, oh no
Once again

I guess there's similarities between the lyric and what had happened before in my life. I guess she just see right through me. Even now.

Fingers

2009-04-15T22:27:00.002+08:00

I guess it is Karma but I do not know for what reason.

Last 3 weeks, while training the kids volleyball, I accidentally hurt my right ring finger when trying to catch a bouncing ball. It hurts still and my finger could not bend properly and even do heavy works a finger usually does...... Like picking the nose etc...

Last weekend, my left index finger was cut by a damn PLASTIC!!!!! Even though it didn't bleed, it hurts like getting a paper cut.

And today, right after school as I just about to close the door of Baby Boy, the same index finger was almost smashed by the door and I took about 30 seconds to realize what had happened by staring at the poor lil fella. Luckily it was not smashed and the nail is still intact. And after 3 hours, it's still numb and could not bend properly nor do heavy works such as picking the nose... and scratching my back....

Pondering back, I wonder what did I do wrong using these two fingers. What does Karma wants me to pay on? To add to that, since April started, lots of shit happened and yeah, why?

Is it just my luck, or something wants me to realize something?

Still, I hope my two lil poor fellas will get well soon....

And it started...

2009-04-14T22:34:00.002+08:00

Today was my first day in school after 2 weeks on the road, doing various stuff for the volleyball scene in JB.

And it started.

A teacher, who's concerned about wut happened to me in the school, and apparently was a victim too, previously, could not take it anymore.

She went to the headmistress.

And she told me.

And makes me wonder, why does the headmistress did not say anything to me when she walked past me.

But I could see that some teachers, who had had sided with him started to treat me better. I wonder why.

And yeah, I could still feel the resentment from his cliques, whom I had nothing against, even though it was covered with fake, hypocritical smiles.

But the congratulations from the administrations for my stint in Volleyball made my day, so I was kinda meh with all other stuff.

But I bet, today will be a start of a new battle. Which I hate. It's too troublesome. I'd rather do something else or deal with my other problems.

Meh anyone?

Self Deception

2009-04-13T16:37:00.001+08:00

Self Deception
Lacuna Coil
I'll never waste another day searching to find the reason
Why did I choose to play this game?
This goes too far, I'll take no more

I played the part and took the blame while you pretend nothing is real
Life turned to night as you're asleep
blood flowing down, is this a dream?

Liar, you tempt me

I don't know what to do, no guilt is in my heart
I don't know what to do, I'm not the reason

I'll never waste another day forever lost no reason
He never choose to play this game taken too far out of control

Liar, you tempt me

I don't know what to do, no guilt is in my heart
I don't know what to do, I'm not the reason

I don't know what to do, no guilt is in my heart
I don't know what to do, I'm not the reason

I don't know what to do, no guilt is in my heart
I don't know what to do, I'm not the reason

I think I'm going crazy. I just wanna run away. Run away from all this shit. But I know I cant.